


The Establishment: Gerard Butler/Jonny Lee Miller (Backstory)

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels), valuna



Series: Establishment - Ger/JL [1]
Category: Dracula 2000 RPF, The Establishment (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: BDSM, Kink, M/M, Role-Playing Game, The Establishment
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-01-11
Updated: 2005-08-08
Packaged: 2018-01-14 23:47:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 30,695
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1283239
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels, https://archiveofourown.org/users/valuna/pseuds/valuna
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Backstory in the Est!Ger/JL storyline.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. gerard: July 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - The Meeting

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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_**July 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - The Meeting** _  
[players only. Backstory, July 1999, the day Gerard and Jonny Lee met. First day of Gerard's filming on Dracula 2000. Gerard had just come off doing Attila and he was cast after shooting had already started. Gerard played Dracula. Jonny Lee played the delectable antiques dealer Simon Sheppard. A lot of the filming was done in and around New Orleans and Toronto.]

July in New Orleans isn't hot. It's hell. Temperatures are rising, and so are tempers. Technically, production began in early June, but Wes didn't settle on his Dracula till the 24th, and the cast is just getting to meet him today. Jonny Lee Miller, 27, is tired of reading through the script; he just wants to be filming, but they've done as much as they can without their vampire. He's curious about this Dracula, hasn't heard of him, but that doesn't mean much; hell, he doubts anyone in the real world's heard of him, 'cept being Jude and Ewan's buddy. So he's casual today in jeans and shirt, pretty much like his character Simon, feet propped up on the back of a chair as he runs lines with some of the cast.

Gerard's nervous as hell. Patrick, god damn his soul, had scheduled him a whirlwind for his first week. Meet the cast in the mid-afternoon, then rush around with dinner and then to the cemetery to play around with mausoleums and headstones. Then the costume people want to get a better fit, or whatever, and that's his afternoon tomorrow. He'll be lucky if he manages four hours of sleep tonight and for the rest of this fucking month. He should have known better than to sign on for a role of wearing entirely black during the fucking summer.

Jonny Lee looks at his watch. Two friggin thirty, and still no sign of their _star_. He closes his eyes as he leans back in the director's chair, a precarious perch at best, thinking on what their Dracula will look like. A fan of comics and the old Hammer films, Jonny Lee has a soft spot for vampires. It's why he signed on for the role. That and working with Wes. But in his mind's eye, he knows what the perfect looks like. A bit like Deacon Frost, he smiles, or maybe it's just Stephen he's remembering. But, no, the perfect vampire is tall and dark, and Stephen's neither of those, even if he is a great fuck. The dream's starting to get good, and Jonny Lee would be content just to drift off into sleep till someone drags him to the nearest Cajun restaurant for jambalaya later in the night.

Gerard sucks in a deep breath and walks over to the cluster where the cast and crew were lounging around. He's in costume and he tries his best not to channel the character too much. The clothing make the man and, while Gerard can't be said to be a method actor, he always takes on some of the character with the clothes. The sparse wind catches him, twisting the cape behind his back, dancing in his newly-cropped curls.

The nudge at his shoulder is annoying, almost as much as Jeri's whisper in his ear. "Miller, might want to wake up. The vamp's here."

"Finally," Jonny Lee says, pushing himself up in the chair. "Now we can make happy hour." He turns, starts to say something else and stops, mesmerized by the figure in black. _Damn, black's a fuckin' good color._ He doesn't say anything as the others introduce themselves, the shy Jonny Lee Miller taking firm control of the more self-sure, semi-snarky one.

Gerard smiles and nods as he hears the names, knowing he isn't going to remember any of them, but wanting to appear polite. He finally comes to the last one of them and sticks his hand out, not really taking notice of the man. "Gerry Butler," he says.

"Um, Miller. Jonny Lee Miller." Jonny Lee reaches out, takes the hand, lets his own be shaken more than being assertive. "Gerry?" He tries the name on, rolls it off his tongue. _Yeah, that's good, Miller. Be polite. Keep our libido down. Forget for a minute you've decided you're gay._ "Nice to meet you."

Gerard gives him a quick once over. Nice face. A sort of lanky look to him, but that might just be the costume. A part of his brain is putting two and two together, informing him that this man is most assuredly straight since he had a rather high-profile marriage, and that it wouldn't do to throw him against a wall and discover in detail just how kissable those lips were. "Pleasure is all mine, Mr. Miller. I didn't think I'd meet a man of the kingdom here."

A dozen words from that tongue, with that accent, thick and Scottish, deeper than Ewan's, and Jonny Lee's lost, forgets he still has a hand in his, that there are a dozen people standing around. "Couple of us here." It's all he can think of to say, since _would you like to have me for dinner_ does seem inappropriate. His north London accent is much more pronounced than before. "But none that sound that nice." _Fuck it, Miller. God, you're stupid._ He starts to pull his hand back, wonders if he could blend into the concrete beneath his feet.

Gerard finds himself holding tight onto that hand, the only connection he has with the man. "I play Dracula," he says quite unnecessarily. Screw straight people. Maybe the bloke's bi.

"I, uh, um," Jonny Lee stops himself. He hates that he stutters when he gets too flustered. "Yes, you're Dracula." It's an understatement. Black hair. Blue eyes. All in black. He's everything a vampire should be, in Jonny Lee's mind. "Just who we were waiting for."

"Yeah." There's not much Gerard can say to that, so he settles on putting everything he wants to say behind his smile. "And you play?"

"Me? Um, Simon." Slowly, very slowly, Jonny Lee's brain starts working again, the blood deciding to rush back north for a minute. "Simon Sheppard," he nods his head in a mock bow, "humble purveyor of antiques." He notices then that Gerard hasn't let go of his hand. _He can't be interested in me. He's fuckin' gorgeous. Has to be straight._

"You're the one I'm hunting tonight." Gerard tries to hide his delight at that. They'll be having scenes together. Gives Gerard a chance to feel him out, feel him up...Gerard quickly clamps down on that thought. He might've told Wes about his orientation, but he doesn't want to be known as the Gay One. "An antiques dealer?"

"Hunting me? Never thought of myself as prey before. Interesting." There's a feeling of comfort sliding back over Jonny Lee, slipping into the his brain as easily as Gerard's silky voice. "Antiques dealer. Got a fascination with rare old things."

Oh, yes, Gerard would love to hunt him, love to feel that skin between his teeth as he bites down, marks him for his. For his _prey_. "You seem pretty rare yourself." As soon as the words leave his mouth, Gerard's cursing himself. There probably are worse pick up lines in the world, but he doubts it.

Before Jonny Lee can respond, one of the production assistants interrupts them. "Mr. Butler, sir, Mr. Lassiter says there's a problem with the cemetery shoot. We won't be starting till near 1 a.m. He says to tell you he's sorry for the delay, but it's something with the city letting us in."

Gerard nods, doing his best not to shout for joy. "Thank you." The assistant scurries away to inform the other principles and Gerard turns to Jonny Lee. "Want to catch a bite?"

"Sure. There's a great place down in the Quarter. Hole in the wall, but quiet. And fuckin' fantastic food." Jonny Lee starts bouncing on the balls of his feet, amazed he'd been able to stand still as long as he had. He takes back all his whinging earlier about filming delays. They can take all night to reset the shoot, of all he cares.

Gerard grins, releases Jonny Lee's hand only to offer his arm. "Lead the way, sir." He'll take Jonny Lee's word about the food, but makes a mental note to scout out a place and take Jonny Lee out. He refuses to let his better sense chastise him for taking a mile when Jonny Lee's only given an inch.

Jonny Lee takes the proffered arm. He isn't why. It seems weird, old-fashioned, but also incredibly right. It's a short walk from where they're filming to the French Quarter and the quaint little restaurant Jonny Lee found on its first walks 'round the city. He comes here alone, just to be by himself, several times a week, and the owners know him when he walks in, Lena giving him a quick hug before putting them at a table in the small open courtyard. Since it's a Wednesday night, the restaurant's not crowded, just the regulars crowd.

Gerard likes the restaurant on sight. It's small, it's out of the way, the sort of place that makes you think comfort. Gerard sits himself down, resisting the urge to move his chair closer to Jonny Lee's. "What's good here?"

"Everything on the menu." Jonny Lee pulls out a chair, slides it around, moving closer to Gerard, either consciously or not, mostly because he hates talking across tables. "You eat meat, don't you?"

"Red, white, light, dark. I've found that it doesn't pay to be picky. You?"

"Not a vegetarian, not me." Jonny Lee pushes the menu aside. "Jambalaya's damned good. Spicy. Scorches the tongue in all the right places."

Gerard's so fucking tempted to make a crack about something to soothe the tongue, but, dammit, he doesn't know. Oh, to hell with it all. "Are you straight?" he asks bluntly.

"Huh?" Jonny Lee's caught off guard by the question. Completely. Starts to answer, decides to make sure they're on the same page. "We're talking sex, right? Not anything about the food."

"Sex, yes. I didn't think they made gay food, but anything's possible." Gerard tries to keep it light, but his stomach is rapidly sinking.

Jonny Lee looks down. At the table. At the floor. Everywhere but at Gerard's face. "No. I'm not." He's not exactly open about his sexuality. Knows everyone assumes he's straight. "Bi," he says, sinking into a nearly patented shy routine. "Mostly gay these days." And he has no idea why he's being so fuckin' honest with this man he just met, like he's compelled to tell him the complete truth.

Gerard grins. "It's ok. So'm I. All the best people are."

He glances up, hesitantly. "You are?" Jonny Lee doesn't mean to make it sound so incredulous, but it comes out that way.

Gerard shrugs. Being gay is nothing new for him. "Yeah. Been that way since puberty. You?"

"Except for the random teen experiment, about five years." Jonny Lee pauses, lets a small laugh come out. "'Bout the time I got married."

"Oh, that's wonderful timing." Gerard matches Jonny Lee's laugh. "What'd she think?"

"She likes guys as much as I do, so it worked. Not the reason the marriage broke up," he adds quickly, not wanting to leave Gerard with the wrong impression. "In fact, we're still good friends."

"Good philosophy." Gerard struck by the absurdity of approving of a relationship of a man he's just met. "Never been married myself." He smiles, tries to change the subject. ""Jambalaya?"

"Jambalaya," Jonny Lee echoes. "Want me to order?" He motions to Lena, who's been hovering near the door to the restaurant's main room.

"Please do." Gerard's content to sit back and watch. A part of him is plotting , but the rest of him watches Jonny Lee, wondering just how far he'll let him go.

"Whatcha wantin' tonight, boy?" Lena asks.

"Two jambalayas, m'am, heavy on the spice. And a couple," Jonny Lee stops, looks at Gerard. "Didn't ask. You want a beer?"

"No. Water will be fine, and lots of it." He's had jambalaya before and extra spicy would like as not burn his taste buds off.

"Okay, Lena, make it two waters with a pitcher. And a big basket of bread." Lena nods her head approvingly and walks off. "Hope that's okay," he says, turning back to face Gerard.

"It's fine. But, by all means, don't trouble yourself on my behalf." Just because Gerard doesn't drink doesn't mean he's against others drinking.

"No trouble." There's a sudden feeling that nothing Gerard could ask would be any trouble whatsoever. Jonny Lee wants to ask if Gerard's hitting on him, wants him, but he thinks it'd be too forward. And, while he might be able to order dinner, he's not very at carrying on conversations.

They chat about trivial things during dinner. The food's as hot as Gerard had expected it to be, and the water is very appreciated. The bread is warm and breaks apart easily and Gerard's wondering if Jonny Lee would give him more than a good night kiss. "Coffee?"

"Sure." Dinner conversation was easy, much less painful than Jonny Lee anticipated it'd be. He glances at his watch. "Still a few hours till you have to be at the cemetery. We're safe."

Gerard orders coffee for the both of them, adds cream and sugar to his. "They shooting you in tonight?" He's read over the script and he knows that it's three of them in the scene, but they'll probably be doing establishing shots and close ups tonight.

"Yeah. Gotta head over with you." Jonny Lee pulls his coffee to him. "Sugar." He motions to the bowl at Gerard's hand, waits on him to pass it.

Gerard passes it over without comment and sips his coffee. "What's been shot so far? I haven't really gotten a status update."

"Nothing, really. Just a few establishing shots. We were waiting for you." Jonny Lee takes the sugar, heaps a few spoonfuls into his cup and stirs.

Gerard takes special notice of how Jonny Lee takes his coffee. "I've had a wonderful time."

"Me, too." He pauses. "Can I ask something?"

"Certainly. Go right ahead." Gerard sits back in the chair and relaxes

"You hitting on me?" Jonny Lee looks down again, unable to ask the question if he can see Gerard's face.

"If it wasn't obvious until now, yes."

"So, we could do this again?" The shy routine's not such a routine. Jonny Lee doesn't have a lot of self-confidence.

"If you want." Gerard says. "How about tomorrow?"

"I'd like that." He stops. "You mind if I call you Gerard. I like it better than Gerry."

Gerard gags the voice that whispers that he didn't give Jonny Lee permission to call him _anything_ , and smiles broadly. "Please do. May I call you Jonny Lee?"

Jonny Lee starts to say _you can call me anything_ but settles on a simple "Yes. I'd like that."  


  


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	2. gerard: July 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - The First Time

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2004](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/)-[21](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2004/01/21/) 23:44:00   
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_**July 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - The First Time** _  
[players only. Backstory, July 1999, the first time Ger and JL fucked. At this point in time, Gerard's a member of the Establishment, but hasn't really done anything with it, and JL's a relative novice when it comes to all things kinky.]

They're sitting in Gerard's living room, Gerard on an easychair, Jonny Lee spread out across the couch. Gerard has a glass of apple cider in his hand and the liquid sloshes around as he gestures as he makes his point. "The whole purpose of the existence of the hunter is to stalk the prey. Without the prey, the hunters cease to exist. Therefore, there's no Van Helsing without his Dracula. Once Dracula is gone, Van Helsing is redundant, which is why Van Helsing _will not_ let Dracula die. He stalls because while Dracula lives, his life has purpose. Dracula, however, is a parasite. He can survive without a hunter or a friend as long as he has what to feed off of. And since humanity is a self-propagating species, Dracula can conceivably live for eons _without_ being hunted."

Jonny Lee's listening, and hearing about every other word, but not really following. "That makes sense," he says, pausing to sip at the Coke in his hand. Over the past 10 days, he's noticed Gerard never drinks alcohol, and he's being deferential tonight. Not sure why. Except that maybe he wants to be kissed. Over the past 10 days, Jonny Lee's developed something of a major fixation with _their_ Dracula. "It's," he starts, "What'd you call it?"

"Symbiosis," Gerard supplies helpfully. Jonny Lee's shirt is riding up and his pants are riding down and Gerard's drinking in the sight. He wants to jump his castmate something awful, but they're still in the courtship phase, as Gerard's taken to calling it. First court him, then bend him over the nearest available surface and make him beg for it. Gerard shivers a little at the thought and shifts in his chair. He'd bet good money Jonny Lee begs well.

"Yeah, that's it. Big word." Jonny Lee can't help but feel stupid around his castmate. A few of them had checked his bio. Guy had a law degree, for Christ's sake. Bloody brilliant. And he could talk circles around them all. He wants him, though. Knows he shouldn't. Knows they have nothing in common. Except being blokes. And queer.

Gerard shrugs. He looks at Jonny Lee's glass. He was more than a little surprised when Jonny Lee'd asked for coke instead of his usual beer, but didn't say anything. "You want a refill on that?"

"Huh?" He's been staring and is caught offguard. "Uh, yeah, maybe, a little."

"Can do." Gerard stands, walks over to Jonny Lee and lifts the cup gently out of Jonny Lee's hand. "Ice?"

"Ice. Ice would be nice." Jonny Lee doesn't mean to rhyme, smiles a little at the singsong way it comes out. Truth be told, he thinks ice would be very nice, a whole tray of it doused over his head to cool him off from the brief touch of Gerard's fingers lifting the cup. _God, Miller, you're acting like a 15-year-old._

Gerard pulls a can out of the fridge and takes two ice cubes from the tray. They fizz as they hit the soft drink and Gerard takes a moment just to breath and get himself back under control. No jumping Jonny Lee, he orders himself sternly, and the chastisement is strong enough to hold as he gives Jonny Lee back the cup and sits back down on the chair.

"So, did you wanna watch a movie?" Jonny Lee stretches out on the couch, hand back on the arm rest over his head, shirt hitching up several inches above his navel, the birth sign tattoo at his waist peeking out. He's making himself comfortable, just like the last few nights when they've ended up here talking, watching old Hammer films. "Or something?" He tries not to make it sound too insinuating.

"'Or something,'" Gerard repeats. "What did you have in mind?" What he'd like to do is pin Jonny Lee to the sofa and trace all his tattoos with the tip of his tongue, then go back and mark each and every one of them.

"Something that doesn't involve talking," he mutters. The more they talk, the dumber he feels. He's too shy to ask for what he really wants. The kiss. One that leads to something more, that ends up with him on the floor. Or even in bed.

"Movies are like that. Don't need to talk much." Somehow Gerard thinks he's missing some vital point. "Or...?"

"Something that doesn't make me feel so stupid," he whispers out without thinking. "Movies aren't so bad," he tries to recover from the slip, takes a quick drink of Coke before sitting it on the floor. "I think there was one we hadn't seen yet, from the ones we got the other night."

It isn't the first time Gerard's caught a whisper of that sort and he wishes to high heaven that he knew a way to convince Jonny Lee of his own brains without coming off as a patronizing bastard. He picks up the movies and sorts through them. "Any one particular in mind?"

Jonny Lee rolls over on his side, a move that only serves to increase the amount of flesh showing between jeans and t-shirt. He's not consciously doing it, but he's not making any effort to keep it from happening. "What's left?"

"Um. Nosferatu. Night of the Living..." Gerard trails off as the shirt gets higher and higher. He thinks he can see one pink nipple peeking out. Distracting as hell and there's no way he's asking Jonny Lee to stop.

It's damned hard not to notice Gerard staring this time. "You want to do something else, Gerard?" he offers shyly. "I'm not gonna say no."

Gerard opens and closes his mouth several times before words can come out. "Are you trying to seduce me, Mr. Miller?"

"Is it working?"

"Yes!" The word comes out more heated than Gerard had intended it to and he's already taken one step forward before he can stop himself. "I mean, do you want, are you, is it, oh fuck." Gerard throws caution to the wind. It worked so well on their first meeting, so why not? He's got nothing to lose. The videos get thrown to the floor as Gerard pretty much pounces on top of Jonny Lee. The couch isn't big enough for the both of them, so they roll off onto the floor.

"Why, Mr. Butler," Jonny Lee rasps out when he catches his breath, "that's rather to the point."

"Yeah." Gerard exhales, leaning down close. "That a problem?"

"No, not at all." He tries, to no avail, not to press up against Gerard, knowing he's already hard from just being in the same room all night. "Can I have more?"

"What sort of more?" Gerard rubs himself against Jonny Lee's thigh and smirks. "A kiss sort of more? Or a shag sort of more?"

"Kiss. Shag. Whatever you want." At this moment, Jonny Lee thinks he'd be willing to do just about anything Gerard asks.

"Good boy," Gerard says and before Jonny Lee can process the words, Gerard's kissing him hard, pushing him back even more into the floor.

Jonny Lee pushes into the kiss, throwing his arms around Gerard's body, tugging at the shirt under his fingers, just wanting to reach flesh, touch something other than fabric.

Gerard loses himself in the kiss, in Jonny Lee's mouth. His first taste and he thinks he could spend the rest of his life feeding the addiction.

It's everything Jonny Lee expects, damned near perfect kiss, just bruising enough, although in the recesses of his brain he thinks it could be a bit more biting, but he's content. And his hands find flesh, fingers pressing into the small of Gerard's back.

Gerard's itching to go harsher, to claim absolute control, but restraining himself from doing that is easy. They'd have to have a long talk before taking that step, if ever. So he's content to ride the kiss out, enjoying the feeling of Jonny Lee's arms around him. Bliss.

Jonny Lee pulls out of the kiss, a small gasp for air. "Damned good. More?" He's not willing to give up what he's gained, his hands yanking Gerard's shirt up his back.

Gerard's answer is to dive back down and reclaim what he's been wanting since his first glance at his costar. He could do this all night, just discovering what Jonny Lee tastes like, in his mouth and all over.

This is like first sex is supposed to be. Hot and fast and no regard for who's taking which corner first. Or so it goes in Jonny Lee's brain, not virginal but not as experienced as the first guy he fucked. And as he's shoving Gerard's shirt up around his neck, he wonders if he'll get that far.

Gerard's slow to realize that Jonny Lee's trying to get him naked and so he pulls back enough to pull his shirt off and get rid of his jeans. "Now you." It comes out as an order and Gerard winces internally, not sure how Jonny Lee'll take it.

"Sure." Jonny Lee's not fazed by the request, or order, as he notes vaguely the words leave Gerard's mouth with a decided bite. In 30 seconds, he's squirmed out of his t-shirt, which had ridden most of the way up his chest already. Within another minute, the jeans are shimmied off and shucked to one side. Without anything else on underneath, he's naked and on the floor, and noticing for the first time just how beautiful his lover, well, wannabe, soon-to-be, is. "Done, Gerard. What now?" He settles on the shy, less-than-innocent smile.

He's asking for more orders. That fact's slowly filtering its way into Gerard's mind, but he's got better things on his mind. Within seconds he's back on top of Jonny Lee, sucking and biting on his neck.

"Godfuckingdamn." Biting. Yes. One of Jonny Lee's secret kinks. One of his favorite. "Fuckin' vampire. Go straight for the neck," he jokes.

Gerard can't deny that's one of the reasons. The other is that he's got a fucking neck kink. He's always liked marking in places that'd make people do a double take. The fact that it'd be up to makeup to cover the hickey and that they'll be fucking pissed at Jonny Lee doesn't even occur to him. He sucks hard at the sweaty skin, loving every minute of it.

Jonny Lee clutches at Gerard's back, not caring what he grabs, as long as it's flesh and it's part of the body atop him. "So fuckin' good." He knows there's gonna be a hickey. Probably a nice one, all red and swollen, shifting to purple, pissing off Anna in makeup and making the "brides" wonder what he's been up to. And with whom.

Gerard plays with the skin a little more before moving downwards. He wonders just how sensitive Jonny Lee's nipples are, and sets out to do some research.

Second favorite turn-on. Or somewhere up in the top five. Nipples. Angie'd suggested he get them pierced, which he'd vetoed, opting instead on another tattoo to appease her. He squirms, wiggles, anything to force, increase the contact.

Gerard nibbles lightly, but once he realizes that Jonny Lee isn't protesting, bites a little harder.

"Christ, Ger -." Jonny Lee bites down at the pain, blinding and shooting through his brain. And, fuck, it's good. He's never been into vanilla sex. Hasn't really stepped over the line into the kinkier world, but he definitely likes it rough.

He's surprised, but very pleasantly so. It'd been a gamble and it'd paid off. Gerard bites down again, this time wiggling the nub between his teeth before letting go to work on the other one.

It's probably not the most rational thing he'll do tonight, but Jonny Lee slides his hands up Gerard's back to his neck, slips his fingers into the black curls, hints at pushing. "Fuck. You. Me." He's not sure which way he's asking the question, just getting the words out.

Gerard raises an eyebrow at the order the words come out. "You in me or me in you?"

"Either," he says hesitantly. "Both." A smile. "Got a preference?"

"I'd prefer to be on top," it's not so much a holdover from the days when on top meant in charge as the fact that he really prefers fucking to being fucked, "least for the first time. We can switch next time, yeah?"

"Works for me." Jonny Lee shrugs. He really doesn't care. As long as it's sex, it doesn't matter.

Gerard lets out a breath he didn't realize he'd been holding when Jonny Lee didn't jump on the fact that he'd assumed they'd be doing this more than once. "Then we gotta get up to the bedroom. Don't keep condoms down here."

Pushing himself up to a sitting position, then rising to his knees, Jonny Lee moves to get up off the floor almost before the words are out of Gerard's mouth. "Bedroom. Better than a back alley," he quips.

"We'll do that later." It comes off as a joke, but Gerry considers it a promise. He leads to way back to the bedroom. It's a mess. The only thing on the bed is an old sheet, but there's three condoms in the drawer and a few packets of lubricant. He'll get more later.

"How you want me?" he asks as he stretches, arms crossed behind his head, one arm pulling the other. Jonny Lee's been here before, so it's not new territory. He's hoping it's not a one-night stand, but he knows better than to think it might last longer than the shoot.

"On your back."

"Okay." Jonny Lee uncurls his body and crawls onto the bed. It's a bit different. Most guys don't want to look at you when they're fucking you. But, then again, Gerard's different in just about every way he can imagine. He turns, settling on his back, laying his heads on the bed on either side of his head.

Gerard rips open the condom and crawls on the bed. The old mattress protests loudly. "Legs up," he prompts.

"Yes -." There was a 'sir' on the tip of his tongue, an unnatural instinct, one he's not familiar with. He pulls his legs back, knees bent, the tight runner's muscles flexing easily at the motion. "Gerard," he finishes.

Oh, Christ. Gerard can hear the 'sir' on Jonny Lee's voice and he shivers. It's been too fucking long. He hurries the prep, all the while cursing himself for doing so, but he can't help himself. Fucking Christ, Jonny Lee almost called him 'sir'. More arousing than sin.

Jonny Lee doesn't really care about the extreme prep. Can do with or without it. Has done with or without it. "Want you so badly. Have from the first minute." Maybe he shouldn't admit it. Doesn't give a damn.

"Me too." Gerard admits, then takes a deep breath and thrusts halfway in. Tries to keep his eyes open and trained on Jonny Lee's, but the pleasure's too fast, too intense, and he needs to close his eyes to process it all.

"Damn." It's fast, has him panting in a second. "Fuck me. Harder."

Gerard nods and then grabs fistholds of the sheet as he thrusts in as far as he can go. "Christ!"

Jonny Lee slams his fist back into the headboard as Gerard sinks completely into his body. Then he flattens his palms against the wood, pushing off it, meeting the subsequent thrusts with a nearly equal force.

So tight, so hot. So enthusiastic. Gerard meets him thrust for thrust, grinning like a fool all the while. It's been too long since he'd last got laid and there's something about this guy, something that makes him want to put him on his knees and get him begging.

Bracing with one hand, he slides the other down his body, reaches for his cock, hardening and lengthening with each pounding thrust.

Gerard hurries up the thrusts, pushing forward to press a kiss against Jonny Lee's gaping lips.

He wraps his cock, fingers finding the precum, sliding it back along the length, working it as Gerard kisses him, feeling like every inch of his body is being assaulted.

It can't last. It's too good, too wonderful, and Gerard's coming with an almost surprised grunt against Jonny Lee's mouth.

Jonny Lee's just a few long tugs behind, coming in copious white jets over his fingers before Gerard can break the kiss. Too fast. Too soon. And he wants to do it all over again.

Gerard's too drained to stop himself from lifting Jonny Lee's hand and licking off his fingers. He thinks fuzzily that he could easily become addicted to the taste.

He thinks he should be offended, maybe, or at least shocked. No one's ever done that, lick his come off his fingers. It's damned arousing and thoroughly intoxicating. "You're amazing, Ger-," he stops the name in midstream again, pausing for breath.

"Mm," Gerard agrees. "So're you." He pulls back reluctantly. This part is always awkward.

Jonny Lee pushes himself up on his elbows. "So, can we do this again? You mentioned switching."

"Yeah. Any time you want." Gerard pauses. "Well, give me a few minutes."

"Yes, sir," he snaps out with a touch of snark. "A few minutes." He pulls himself to sitting up, legs crossed. "Is that like five minutes?" He smiles, infusivly.

Gerard shivers at the 'sir' and then grins at the snark. He swats Jonny Lee playfully. "Impertinent hunter."

"Only 'cause I'm hunting the sexiest vampire ever."

"Flattery will get you fucked."

"Already done it." He unfolds his legs and kneels up on the bed, leaning into Gerard's space. "But wouldn't mind doing it again. Every night."

"Sounds good to me." Gerard looks him over, wonders just what he can push him to, what he shouldn't dare try, and what he's willing to risk. "It's a date?"  


  


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	3. gerard: August 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - Alley Sex

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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_**August 1999: Shooting of Dracula 2000 [Backstory] - Alley Sex** _  
[players only. Backstory, August 1999, Ger and JL get it on in an alley in New Orleans. Things to watch for: cacophany, which becomes JL's safeword; evolution of the nicknames; beginning of d/s.]

  
It's late at night and Gerard's wandering the streets of New Orleans. He wasn't expecting to see anyone he knows and when he does, a grin lights up his face. "Hello, stranger."

"Hi, yourself," Jonny Lee says, breath visible in the early morning air. "Still up?"

"Yeah." Gerard shoves his hands into his pockets and looks away. "Couldn't fall asleep. Tried."

"It's the damned schedule. Throwing everybody off. Don't know morning from night." He leans back into the alley's brick wall, stretching, fingers playing with crumbling mortar.

"Don't think there's much of a difference anymore." Gerard shrugs. The clothes he's wearing aren't very different from his costume, and he checks his pockets for his cigarettes. Can't find them. Fuck. Must've left them in the dressing room. "What time did they let you go tonight?"

Jonny Lee pulls his arms down and unzips the pocket of his windbreaker. "Here you go." He passes cigs pack and lighter to Gerard. He smokes randomly, usually only when drinking, but in the past few weeks has found himself carrying a pack around. Gerard's brand. "I finished up early, about 11. Actually got in a couple hours before I hit the streets."

Oh, the things he could say about Jonny Lee's last comment. Doesn't, though. Gerard's too polite. He takes the cig and lighter with a smile. He says nothing about the brand, just lights up as quickly as he can manage. He's not as addicted as many of his friends, but he can't deny the relief it gives him to finally have a cigarette after fourteen hours without. "Anything worth remembering about it?"

"Worth remembering 'bout what?" Jonny Lee has trouble following Gerard's conversations some times. He knows he's not totally stupid, but Gerard's so damned educated that Jonny Lee feels less than intelligent around him. "Sleep? Or the run?" He doesn't stop moving, stretching as he talks, not wanting his muscles to kink up from stopping too quickly.

"The shoot." Or sleep. Gerard's been tempted for some time to ask Jonny Lee what he dreams of. They've actually slept together very few times, but each time Jonny Lee's looked like he was enjoying it very much.

''Nope. Shooting with the girls. Alley scene.'' He was tired of telling Jennifer he wasn't interested. ''Saw a great house while I was running. Perfect for vampires. Even had a weird guy on the porch.''

Alley scene. Gerard had received a complete copy of the script and he's mentally reviewing it. Ah, yes. Alley scene. The three brides accost the young hunter. Gerard grins. "What made it perfect for vampires? Besides the guy, I mean."

"Vines covering the porch, really old wood, and it just had this, god, I don't know the word, fuck I'm so stupid, um, this whole sense of just being really creepy." Jonny Lee's starting to ramble. "I talked to the guy for a few minutes. He's lived here all his life, grew up in the house, he's got to be old but he didn't look it. Maybe it's just that it's 6 friggin a.m. and I've been running and," he slows down just a bit, "you hungry, Ger? Wanna get a bite?"

Gerard's following Jonny Lee's words, but the abrupt change in subject throws him a little. "Eat? Yeah." Gerard hadn't eaten since the minimal dinner break he'd been given. "Know any places open this late?"

"Sure. Cafe du Monde's 24/7. I usually swing by there and grab coffee after I've run. We can get some beignets. Eat 'em there, or head back to the hotel and," he stops, wants to say _and you can fuck me_ , but he's still shy Jonny Lee and as much as he wants the man in front of him, he doesn't always tell him. "Well, whatever you want. You're the vampire in charge."

Gerard smirks. Jonny Lee's pause did not go unnoticed. "I suppose I am. And you're the little antiques dealer, frightened and at my mercy." He takes one last drag on the cigarette before throwing it to the ground. "Food now, fucking later."

"Not that frightened," he says defiantly. It's a moment of false courage as he props his foot against the wall to adjust a loose shoelace.

"Of course you aren't," Gerard says, very obviously humoring him. "You aren't scared I'm going to sink my big bad fangs into your very pretty throat. You aren't scared I'm going to turn you around, strip you bare, and fuck you in the alleyway for any passerby to see."

Jonny Lee shivers at Gerard's words, pulls up straight. "No, I'm not scared of that." He's assuming Gerard has a desire for not getting arrested in New Orleans and having to explain to Wes and Patrick why their leading man needs to be bailed out. He shrugs and takes a step forward. "No sense being scared of what's not gonna happen."

"That's what you think." Gerard chooses to take that as a dare, but, dammit, he hasn't eaten in eight hours. "Where is this cafe of yours?"

"Two blocks, on the right. French Quarter." He's smiling as he starts walking down the alley. It's really an easy jaunt to the round-the-clock New Orleans mainstay. They're seated, with coffees and a plate of beignets, in less than 15 minutes, having more casual conversation.

"Patrick said we got the day off, since they've got to set up some shoots in the library for tomorrow." Jonny Lee sips at the latte.

"That's wonderful." Gerard grins slyly at Jonny Lee and takes a sip of his own coffee. "Gives you more time to recover from the very thorough fucking I'll be giving you tonight." They've been together long enough for Gerard to feel safe that he'll get away with saying that, and in public, without Jonny Lee doing any more than blush.

Jonny Lee does blush, the mottled red creeping from his cheeks down his neck. He thinks he should be getting used to Gerard's off-the-cuff comments, sexual innuendos that aren't subtle at all. "You're gonna fuck me," he launches out, on the start of a caffeine-energy high, "that hard, that good." He finishes off the latte with a solid gulp. "Pretty sure of yourself, vampire?" It's a game they play at times, teasing each other in and out of character. "Gonna scare the 'tiques dealer?"

Gerard touches the tip of his tongue to the point of his canine and smirks. "Oh, yes," he says. "I'm going to scare the little 'tiques dealer. Going to scare him right back to London and then haunt his nights. Vampires have amazing stamina, I'll have you know."

Jonny Lee squirms without really being conscious of the action, licks his lips and sucks in his lower lip, biting at it. Even without the vampire fetish entrenched in his brain, Jonny Lee finds Gerard irresistible, finds himself wanting to do things he doesn't even know the words for. "Amazing stamina. Yeah." He starts bouncing his foot, arousal increasing exponentially. "Can we go back to the room and find out now, Ger?"

"No," Gerard says. He waits a few beats and then continues. "What we're going to do is, we're going to go outside and I'm going to unbutton those pants of yours, and we'll see just how loud you can not scream." His smile is pure evil and his look is one of daring. "What d'y'say?"

"Running shorts, Ger. Just yank 'em down." He smiles back, bravado mixed with blush. "Not scream? I can try that." He's bouncing to the core with the anxiety of Gerard taking him, here, now.

Gerard leers, gropes himself under the table. "Then let's pay and get out of here, shall we?"

Jonny Lee's up almost before Gerard finishes talking. "Done." The cafe sits is buffered by the levee and the French Quarter, and it's not hard to find a relatively dark alley, despite the rising sun. "Why can't I scream?" he asks, turning and walking backward. "Sure no one would notice, not in this city. Too noisy."

Gerard puts a hand on Jonny Lee's hip and propels him backwards against a wall. "That may be so. Your screams would blend well with the cacophony of the streets. But I'd like to reserve your screams for when we're alone and I can savor them properly." Gerard grins, then leans forward to claim Jonny Lee's lips in a demanding kiss.

/Cacophony. / For a second, he registers that he'll need to look it up, another of Gerard's big words. But it's only for a second as he's consumed in the kiss, back against another brick wall, cock hard and hands clutching at Gerard's shoulders.

Gerard breaks the kiss long enough to nibble on Jonny Lee's tempting lower lip. His hand slides beneath the elastic and starts cupping Jonny Lee's cock. "You're mine," he growls into Jonny Lee's ear. "My Jonny Lee, my little antiques dealer."

Jonny pushes into the touch, wanting it harsher, or just more. /My Jonny Lee/ He likes that, the sense of belonging, being grounded. ''Got my own personal vampire to haunt me.''

"Mm-hmm," Gerard agrees, leaning back in for a kiss. His nails scrape lightly over the shaft and he squeezes just a bit, loving the feeling of Jonny Lee in the palm of his hand.

"More," Jonny Lee mutters into the kiss, his hands going up around Gerard's neck and pulling him in tighter, forcing the bruises that'll leave his mouth pouty. He bucks his hips forward, demanding more friction, more scraping along his cock.

Gerard grins. "You're a bit of a slut for me, aren't you, boy?" The boy just slips out and Gerard freezes for a moment, wondering if Jonny Lee noticed. He squeezes hard on Jonny Lee's cock to compensate and nibbles at Jonny Lee's mouth.

The words wash over Jonny Lee. "Slut," he picks up on it, rolls it off his tongue. "That what the vampire wants," he drops into an atrocious Cockney accent, "a right proper slut to fuck in the alley."

Gerard mumbles an agreement. "And are you that slut, my little 'tiques dealer?" He licks around the curl of Jonny Lee's ear. "Are you that kind of slut?"

"Yes, sir. Slut here." Jonny Lee's talking too much again. Damned nervous habit. "Just what the vam-" the lick takes him off guard, makes him stutter, "-pire ordered. One antiques dealer with a major hardon for old things."

"Old," Gerard repeats, breathing the word against a wet kiss left on Jonny Lee's earlobe. "Of course. 'Tiques get more precious the older they get."

"Fuck, mate, I'm gonna come just from that." He's squirming against the wall, mortars crumbling from bricks into the folds of his jacket. "You're a fuckin' precious antique, that's for sure."

"You could, eh?" Gerard grinds his cock against Jonny Lee's. His nibbles turn into sharp bites. "Try."

Oh, he could damn well do it. He's rock hard and all it'd take is a few concentrated pushes and a couple more bites. But there's s something about the way Gerard's holding against him, keeping him right on edge, that's intoxicating. "Thought you were gonna fuck me, vampire," he grates out, too playful to be menacing.

"Two aren't mutually exclusive, antique," Gerard growls out, but he pulls back to forcibly turn Jonny Lee around. He shoves Jonny Lee into the brick wall of the alley and bites just behind his ear.

"Bloody hell, yes," he spits out as his face hits the wall. Feels good, too. He startles at the thought. "So goddamned close. Fuck me, please. C'mon, do it." His cock's grinding into the brick, the friction pushing him to the edge so fast he can't stop it. And he comes hard as the bites continue, each one forcing another burst of release from his body. "Fuckin' Christ, that's good."

Gerard grips Jonny Lee hard as his lover comes, hard enough that it'll leave finger marks, definitely not hard enough that it will bruise. When Jonny Lee's stopped shuddering, Gerard brings the bites lower to Jonny Lee's neck. "A real vampire," he snarled, "would rip you open like a bad antique."

"Do it," he hisses, mortar dust coating his lips. "Fuckin' dare ya to bite harder, draw blood, 'pire."

Gerard opens his mouth wide and scrapes his teeth along Jonny Lee's throat. He pushes his tongue flat against the tight skin and slides it upwards.

Jonny Lee can feel the blood draw up from under his skin, like when it's teased with the blade's point, tiny scrapes oozing it out. The cut would make it pour, make it flood Gerard's mouth, make him the vampire incarnate. He pushes up, onto his toes, into the kiss, the swipe of tongue, wanting it to deepen.

Gerard's very careful not to break the skin, no matter how tempting Jonny Lee is being. But that doesn't stop him from teasing with his teeth and with his tongue, pressing his lips hard against Jonny Lee's throat.

''More,'' he cries out. ''Fuck me. Please. Christ. More.''

Gerard tongues Jonny Lee's neck one last time before pulling back. "You better have a condom in those pants, boy, or I'm going to fuck your mouth until your jaw breaks."

His brain's lagging a bit, so it takes a few seconds for Gerard's words to sink in. "Condom. Shite." He starts patting down his running shorts, not that there'd be any there. What kind of bloke carries condoms when he's running? _Don't answer that, Miller._ He fumbles into the windbreaker's pockets, trying to remember the last time he'd had the jacket on. Cast dinner at Patrick's place. And he'd picked up a couple on the off-chance he'd get lucky. He unzips the small side pocket. "Damn thing with so many pockets." Fingers clutch at a small foil packet, which he jerks out and eagerly holds up in front of Gerard's face. "Here. Condom. Fuck me."

Gerard's pleasantly surprised that Jonny Lee had a condom on him. He hadn't expected Jonny Lee to carry them on him, but he's not going to complain. Gerard doesn't take the condom. Instead, he licks his lips and spreads his legs out slightly. "Put it on me, antiques dealer, if you want your vampire to fuck you."

Clutching the packet between his teeth, Jonny Lee undoes Gerard's pants and pulls his cock free. He lets his fingers linger over the swollen head before taking care of the packet, ripping it and pulling out the latex. He drops to his knees, oblivious to the rough pavement, and kisses the tip, sucking gently for just a moment, then silently unrolls the condom over flesh. "How does my vampire master want me?" he asks, looking up from where he kneels.

Gerard moans. "Just like that," he gets out. He isn't carrying any lubricant, doubts even Jonny Lee can procure that from nothingness. "Your vampire master wants his 'tiques dealer to blow him."

There's no holding back the sigh, the hissed breath. "What? I just. Thought." He's rambling, almost stuttering through the words. _Blow him? With a fuckin' rubber? Why would I do that?_ He stops complaining and wraps his lips around the head, pushing back, smoothing out the condom as he goes, till he's got the full length down his throat.

Gerard's hand finds its way down into Jonny Lee's hair, holding on tight, holding him close. He wants just enough of Jonny Lee's mouth to push them both to desperation, and then he's going to have Jonny Lee harsh against the wall.

Fingers fisting hair make him forget his anger, long enough for Jonny Lee to concentrate on working his tongue along the underside, sliding back off as much as he's allowed, then going all the way down again. God, he loves giving head. Damned good at it, too. Even before he fucked Ewan, and discovered just how much fun blokes can be, he'd been sucking off mates for fun.

A moan comes out before Gerard can bite it back, but he doesn't think it's loud enough and, besides, who the fuck else is awake and wandering at this hour? But it's enough for Gerard to pull Jonny Lee's head back. "Not now, little 'tique," he says thickly. "Wanna fuck you."

"God, yes." He doesn't even try to hide his eagerness. Jonny Lee's quickly becoming addicted to everything about Gerard, his voice, his body, the way he leaves Jonny Lee wanting more. "Can I be a vampire's slave?" he asks as he's pulled to his feet.

Gerard's fingers brush against Jonny Lee's throat before he yanks down Jonny Lee's running shorts and pushes him against the wall. "Yes," he growls. "The 'tique can be the vampire's slave. Now spread 'em."

Jonny Lee's in position almost before Gerard gets the words out, legs spread wide, hands clutching at the brick over his head, face pushed into the mortar's crevices. Doesn't give a damn who might walk by. Hell, they can stay and watch if they like.

Gerard doesn't bother giving Jonny Lee any prep. This is going to hurt, it's going to be rough, and they're both going to love every second of it. He pushes himself inside as quickly as he can, biting his lip against the scream building in his stomach. There's nothing quite like this, and the exhibitionist inside him is throwing a party.

Jonny Lee isn't an exhibitionist, more by nature shy and awkwardly bashful, but there's something about Gerard that makes him want this wanton, unrestrained sex in an alley as the sun's rising. It hurts like hell, like nothing he's had before, and damn if it isn't good. He pushes back onto Gerard's cock, crushing the palms of his hands into the brick.

Gerard builds up a slow but rough rhythm, pushing Jonny Lee up against the brick with every thrust. He doesn't care if the brick cuts into Jonny Lee's cheek or wrists. He'll clean the cuts later, depositing kisses and bites along Jonny Lee's arms, but for right now Gerard's universe consists only of tightness and heat and glorious friction.

It's not intentional, not exactly, the scraping of Jonny Lee's cheek on the brick, but he doesn't care. The pain's part of the dream, as are the kisses and bites and that incredible cock that's filling his arse. He moans, groans, doesn't even try to hold back.

Gerard thrusts one last time and then comes with an aborted cry. One sweaty hand finds its way around Jonny Lee's body almost as an afterthought and begins to stroke Jonny Lee's cock.

His body clenches around Gerard, pulling the orgasm into himself. And, fuck it, he's hard as the brick he's rubbing against when the hand grips his cock. Christ, he just came, but it doesn't matter. He can feel it building again.

Gerard rests his head on Jonny Lee shoulder as his hand strokes Jonny Lee's cock. "Come for me," he murmurs. "Come for your vampire master."

He doesn't respond at first, just obeys, the climax jerked out of his body with a force that balances the scrape of brick and mortar against his hands and face. "Yes, master," he murmurs. "Good little slave coming for his vampire."

_Oh, Christ._ So erotic, right there. That word from Jonny Lee's lips. "Good boy," Gerard whispers. He wipes his hand clean on the brick and then pulls back from Jonny Lee to get dressed properly. "You're coming back with me."

He just collapses against the wall, lingering for a minute, then slowly rolls himself around, reaching down to find his shorts, straighten himself out. "Of course I am," he says as if it were an assumed condition. "Wouldn't go anywhere else."  
  


  


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	4. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: Backstory circa summer 1999 ... boyfriends?

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
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_**JLM/GB: Backstory circa summer 1999 ... boyfriends?** _  
**[players only. this is backstory, occurring late summer 1999 during the filming of 'dracula 2000' in new orleans as gerry and jonny are just discovering each other.]**

  
"Want to do anything special tonight?" Jonny uncrosses his legs as Gerry walks up. They've finished shooting for the day, putting them about three-fourths through the schedule. "Or what's left of the night. They're a few bars we haven't hit down in the Quarter."

Gerry unbuttons the top button of his collar. Fuck. It's way too hot. "Sure. Where were you thinking?"

Jonny shrugs. "We could swing by Patout's, then maybe over to Pat O'Brien's." He grins, scoots off the costume table. "Unless you wanna be real gay and we could do Lafitte's."

"Let's be really gay." Gerry pops the rest of the buttons and pulls the shirt off. "Have I mentioned lately how much I hate filming in New Orleans in the summer?"

"Uh, not today. You mentioned it yesterday. Twenty times." Jonny chuckles, shoves his hands into his jeans back pockets. "I started counting on Wednesday, just out of curiosity."

Gerry snorts. "Thanks. You're a dear." Gerry bends down and gets out of his pants. "You're not the one wearing all black, and a cape to boot."

"Really more of a trenchcoat, Gerry, and it's sexy." Jonny takes Gerry's clothes as he discards them, folding and putting them to the side of the table. "All black works on you. Very well."

"Thanks." Gerry blows Jonny a kiss. "But you're just trying to get me into bed, Teak. I can see right through you."

"Oh, right. And I already have you there, so why am I being nice?" Jonny leans up, kisses Gerry's cheek. "Let's go be gay and you can shag me later. Work for my Pire?"

"Works for your Pire." Gerry wraps his arms around Jonny and pulls him close. "And then I'm going to fuck you into the bed and make you come twice under me."

Jonny purrs, or something close to a purr since he doesn't think he really purrs. He likes being held by Gerry. It's comfortable, more familiar than anything he's felt in his life. "Coming twice sounds extra nice." He crinkles his nose at the rhyme. "Oh, bad. C'mon, master vampire, let's go race the sun."

"Yeah, that was terrible." Gerry lets him go and then tweaks his nose. "Why race the sun? I'm a vampire. Sun makes me burst into flames."

"Uh, race as in beat it back to the flat before it comes up." Jonny cocks his head, shakes it, then slides into his best henchman-Igor voice. "Master is forgetful sometimes."

Gerry snickers. "Yeah. Guess I am." He ruffles Jonny's hair. "What happens at midnight, Teak? Do I turn into a pumpkin?"

"That would be weird. Never been shagged by a pumpkin." Jonny likes having his hair ruffled. It's a boyfriend thing. He's never had one of those, but he's growing fond of the notion. And Gerry Butler would make a great boyfriend, Jonny thinks. "Course, Pire, that might be too kinky a concept."

_Yeah, right._ Gerry grins. "I'm sure there are people out there who get turned on by pumpkins. They're big...and round...and...orange."

"They sound like breasts." Jonny nudges Gerry into moving toward the door. "And I'm not into those anymore. So if you're gonna turn into something, Pire, poof into a zucchini."

"I'm not sure I like the implications of that." Gerry swats Jonny's hand away. "Let me get a shirt on. Eager Teak."

Jonny pouts. Okay, it's a mock-pout, but his lower lip's out and it's worthy of any Jagger. Or ex-wife. "Shirt on. Shirt off later. Yes, Teak's eager. He's been watching you seducing the bitches all day."

"Was I doing a convincing job of it?" Gerry pulls his shirt on and buttons it up halfway. It's white and light, but it's fucking hot outside.

"Not as sexy as black, but it'll do. They'll love you at the bar." Jonny's trying not to pounce. That would be rude. And out of character, considering he's really rather shy. It's just something that Gerry brings out, desire and need and want. "Convincing. Sure. I felt the love all over the room."

"Thanks." Gerry brushes his lips against Jonny's cheek. "Good to know." He shouldn't mention that Jeri terrifies him, and that she doesn't seem to understand that Jonny isn't doing girls anymore.

There are days Jonny wishes Gerry would tell Jeri and Jennifer off, make it clear he's not interested in their random gropes and wanting to rehearse at 3 o'clock in the morning. Jennifer's bad. Jeri's worse. And they're both making the last weeks of filming more miserable than the New Orleans heat. It seems Gerry's finally ready to go and Jonny grabs up his jacket, shrugging the lightweight windbreaker over his t-shirt.

Gerry fluffs his hair out from beneath his collar, and then wraps his arm around Jonny's waist. "At least no one ever has to paint my costume on. I'll be thankful for that."

Jonny didn't need that visual. Not if he wants to walk without his jeans being so damned tight they feel plastered on. Gerry with painted-on clothes would be excellent. No, better than. He mimics the motion, hitching his fingers into the loop holding Gerry's belt. They head out off and take to the streets of New Orleans. "You have anything lined up after this?" Jonny asks after a block.

"No, not yet. Seeing how this goes." Gerry likes this. He likes the way that Jonny's holding onto him. He could live like this, he thinks. He could stay doing this. "You?"

"Nothing concrete. May be headed to Inverness for something. Have to see when I get back to London." Jonny's happy, not at all self-conscious about holding another man. New Orleans seems to expect it. Jonny would wonder about doing it back in London, but that's getting ahead of himself. No one's said anything about it being anything more than a film affair, over when the shooting stops.

"Oh? What's in Inverness?" If Jonny's headed back to London, or that way, maybe they could go together. And Gerry could come over one night and they could talk. And shag. Maybe.

"Film. Based on a novel. I've got this reputation for being this great young Scottish actor." Jonny shrugs.

Gerry snickers. "C'mon, love, let me hear." He's seen 'Trainspotting' more times than he can count, but he loves to tease Jonny like this. "Convince me that you're Scottish."

Jonny blushes, red enough to color-balance the stoplights. "What's it take?" He slides into the accent he used in _Trainspotting_ , the one that started all this. "Not wearing a kilt so I can't flash you. Anyhow, you just want to hear Sick Boy's lines. You like teasing me."

"I do like teasing you." Gerry ruffles Jonny's hair. "We can get you into a kilt. You'd look great." He smirks. "And you do know what Scotsmen wear under their kilts, right?"

"Nothing but other Scotsmen, I assume." Jonny really likes the hair ruffling. A lot. It's one of those boyfriend moves. _Would he want to come back to London with you?_

"Damn right. Lift their kilts and suddenly there's someone on their knees, ready to move in." Christ, Jonny's so cute. "Access."

"Like I said, no kilt, so can I be the one on my knees?"

"It's not like I'm wearing a kilt now, Teak."

"You want it here?" Jonny looks around. It's midnight in the French Quarter. Who's going to care. "Wait for the bar?" He bites at his lip. "Or just bypass it all and go back to the hotel?"

"We're in the middle of the street!" But it's not like they haven't shagged in an alley before. Then again, they'll be crucified if they have to be busted out of jail for indecent exposure. "Hotel. I'll fuck you there."

Jonny laughs. He can just imagine what's going through Gerry's mind. Patrick would _not_ be happy if he had to bail them out of jail. "Hotel." He nudges Gerry's hip with his own. "Gotta turn that way, sir, to get to the hotel."

_Sir._ Gerry shivers. "Yes, dear," he says, keeping his tone light. He spins around, and turns Jonny with him. "To the hotel we go."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It's just a few blocks to the hotel, long enough for clumsy gropes and random snogs, not nearly enough for Jonny. He wants more, eager to have his hands all over Gerry, be under his new lover. _Lover? Really?_ But he's being good, at least in the hotel lobby and then on the elevator -- he even smiles at the people who get in with them rather than hitting the close button quickly.

Gerry keeps his arm around Jonny's waist. It's comfortable like this. Jonny just _fits_ against him. He can't explain it. But he likes the feeling. It's like Jonny's supposed to be there.

Jonny's right where he thinks he needs to be. The couple in front of them get off at the third floor. He and Gerry are on the fourth. He lets out a breath as the doors close again, but there's no time before they're open again and he's leaning forward, heading out into the hallway. "Your room or mine?"

"Mine." Gerry kisses Jonny's temple. "Unless there's something you really want to show me in yours."

"No. Nothing in mine 'cept Coke bottles and dirty clothes." Jonny blushes, shakes his head, the kiss a touch ticklish. "You've got the better bed anyhow."

"That's 'cause I've got more blankets." Gerry leads Jonny to the door and opens it for him. "More comfy."

"Oh, yeah, that's the only thing your room has on mine." Jonny slips under Gerry's outstretched arm and into the room, walking quickly across it to the end of the bed. He starts working on shirt, pulling it up his stomach, toeing out of his shoes at the same time. It's a talent worked on diligently over weeks of stripping for Gerry, one Jonny hopes he can master with enough time.

Gerry leans against the wall and watches Jonny strip. It always makes him hard. He loves how it teases him and makes him want to fuck Jonny harder than ever. It's fantastic. Gerry tugs his shirt off and then gets out of his trousers quickly, trying to do it and stare at Jonny's arse at the same time."

Jonny lingers in leaning over to push his jeans down his legs. He has his suspicions that Gerry likes watching, so he makes the most of it, wriggling just a bit before kicking the jeans aside. "How you want me tonight?" he asks, leaving off with a smile as he stretches back up, the Scorpion tattoo on his stomach going exaggeratingly tall.

Gerry licks his lips and stares at Jonny's stomach, then looks lower. "Mind if I fuck you?"

"Not at all, Pire. Face up or down?" Jonny settles on the bed's edge, on his knees, a precarious balance at best. "Stuff still in the drawer? Want me to get?"

"Yeah, get." Gerry runs his fingers through his hair, trying to untangle it. "Face up, if that works for you."

"Works for me." Jonny crawls across the bed, reaching over and pulling out the drawer. He scrounges for a second, finding cnodom easily, but the lube's tucked back a bit farther. Another moment and he's got it, then he rocks back on the bed, stretching onto his back, putting the stuff beside him on the covers.

Gerry pulls back the covers and then fluffs the pillows. "Can you get yourself ready for me?" It's not something he's asked that many times before, but he doesn't think it'll freak Jonny out. He hopes.

Jonny lifts up his hips as Gerry pulls the covers from under him. "I guess." It's not something Jonny's done a lot. Well, ever, to be honest. Not himself. "Yeah." He shifts, propping himself into the pillows a bit, calculating the right angle. He picks up the tube and squeezes out the lube onto his fingers. Okay, it can't be _that_ complicated.

Gerry tries not to look at Jonny. It might takes him places where he doesn't want to go. He closes the drapes and tidies up around the room so that he won't stumble over anything in the morning and break his neck. Then he comes back to the bed and dares to look.

It's awkward, and definitely not glamorous. Jonny has his knee bent up and is working fingers into his arse. Odd angle. He's managed two fingers. _Okay, should do running stretches before I try this again._ And he's scissoring them. Just a bit.

It looks uncomfortable, but Gerry's getting hard just watching. It's been longer than he cares to think about since he last saw a submiss -- a _lover_ \-- doing this for him. He wraps his fingers around Jonny's wrist and helps angle his fingers better.

The touch startles Jonny for a second, then he eases. "Thanks," he murmurs, pushing his fingers in a bit deeper with Gerry's guidance. Normally he'd be blushing, turning scarlet, but there's something very natural about doing this, for this man, this lover. "It's awkward, feels weird."

"But the good kind of awkward?" Gerry hopes it is. Then maybe Jonny will want to do it again, and Gerry can watch it, and maybe even wank to it. He never thought he'd miss anything like this, but he thinks he has. Because this is fucking hot.

"Yeah," Jonny says, voice halting, "good awkward." He struggles, rocking back and then forward, finding the right pitch. "Might get good at it --" He winces. "If I do it enough times."

"Want to?" Gerry can't help but grin. "That would be awesome, Teak. Best thing ever."

"You'd like that? Yeah, sure you would." Jonny lays his head back on the pillow. "Would it be rude to ask you to fuck me now? Please?"

"Yeah, I'd like that." Gerry kisses Jonny's knee. "Love to fuck you. You ready?"

Jonny nods, slowly working his fingers out, casually wiping them on the edge of the sheet. "Yessir, ready." He shifts onto his back, knees still bent.

That sir does nothing to help his erection. Gerry's hands shake as he puts the condom on, then he lines himself up. "Fast or slow?"

"Can I have both? Fast now and then the slow, agonizing fuck in the morning." Jonny's grinning. "After I've given you a nice blow to get you hard."

"I like that idea." Gerry licks his lips. Fast now. He pushes in, slow then fast. He picks up the pace quickly, and groans. Jonny's so fucking tight. Always so fucking tight.

Jonny screams, biting it back before it gets too loud. It hurts like a dream you don't want to wake up from. He doesn't. Want to wake up. Ever. Not if it means losing this feeling, the sensation of Gerry's cock being driven deeper, hard enough to push Jonny back into the pillows.

They haven't been together enough time on the set for Gerry to get used to this feeling. He should have, he thinks. He's certainly fucked Jonny enough times. But it's always better than the time before and the time before that. Maybe it'll always get better. Gerry doesn't know. But he wants to find out. He grunts as he fucks Jonny faster. He can feel the burn, but it's just what he needs. It's just what he wants.

His fingers are digging into the bed's lightweight blanket, crumpling it as he pushes into Gerry's thrusts. Jonny wants to keep screaming --no, start begging, pleading for more -- but that's not exactly how the relationship is. It's fucking. Just sex. Isn't it? His cock's jerking against his stomach, hard and dripping, and he's going to come any minute, whether or not Gerry's finished with him.

Gerry isn't finished with him, but he wouldn't mind if Jonny comes under him. He loves when that happens. He grips the bed hard and thrusts as hard as he can. _Christ._

That last thrust does Jonny in. His cock twitches a couple more times and then he comes, white jets coating in streaks across his stomach. "Fuck, yeah," he mutters, the orgasm ripping through him, shivering his whole body. Damn, it's good.

Oh, fuck. That's amazing and just perfect. Exactly what he needed. Gerry groans and thrusts one last time before coming. _Fucking perfect._ He always feels that way about Jonny. He's not sure why.

Jonny lets go at that, just letting himself be pushed into the bed, moaning and whimpering and closing his eyes to savour the last moment, wishing against sanity for a split second that there wasn't the damned latex between them. _Christ, I'd love to just him. Oh, fuck, that'd be good._

Gerry whimpers and pulls out. "J-jonny...fuck. So good."

"Uh, yeah." Jonny's breathless. "Fantastic. Always is."

Gerry nuzzles Jonny's neck. "We should do this more often."

"Like every day. That'd be a good start." Jonny's not thinking on his words, just saying them. "And maybe twice on weekends."

"Three times on weekends," Gerry says. "And you got yourself a deal."

"You got it, Pire. Do we need that in writing? Or will falling asleep stuck together suffice?"

"Falling asleep will suffice." Gerry throws the used condom onto the floor and curls up next to Jonny. "Night."

"Night, Pire." Jonny doesn't argue. He nudges back into Gerry's body, not even worrying about the covers, and he's asleep before he can think about how perfect a spot he's in.

Gerry stays awake long enough to wrap his arm around Jonny, and then falls asleep. It's so nice. It's so normal. He could stay like this forever.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Jonny wakes up early. It's conditioned. He bets it's somewhere around 7 a.m. If he were in his room, or at home, he'd be rolling out of bed to go running. But he's not. He's in bed, with Gerry, and Gerry's arm is wrapped around him. He turns over, snuggles in, lightly kisses Gerry's chest.

Gerry doesn't want to wake up. It was a long night and he has to do more shooting today. He doesn't want to wake up. But there's someone in bed with him, and that makes him open his eyes. He smiles lazily. "Morning."

"Morning." Jonny kisses again, then licks a path over Gerry's shoulder, along the collarbone. "What's your call time?"

"Uh." It's hard to think with Jonny on him like that. "Three, I think."

"Okay. That works." Jonny nudges Gerry onto his back. "You want that blow? Got time before I run, need to get you to the set."

Gerry's never been one to turn down a blowjob. "Sure." Gerry spreads his legs.

Jonny settles into a spot between Gerry's legs, raised up of his elbows. If he were uber-safety conscious, he'd think about maybe using a condom for this, but he's not and they're kinda past the point of worrying about how far things are going. He nuzzles his face against Gerry's thigh, into the crease, picking up the scent of last night's sex overlaid with something he can't place but knows is uniquely Gerry. Then he's licking, long drag of tongue along Gerry's cock.

Christ, that's good. Jonny has the best mouth in the entire fucking world. Gerry slides his hands along the sheets. "Fuck, Jonny."

Taking that as a compliment, and encouragement, Jonny slides his mouth over Gerry's cock, slurping with his tongue as he works down, inch by inch until he's licking around the base, throat full. Then he stops, just works his tongue for a moment, hollowing his cheeks and sucking around the swollen flesh.

"J-jonny..." So. Fucking. Good. Gerry wonders if anyone else has any idea how good Jonny is. If so, he'd have to beat them back with a gun. Gerry could have this all the time. Jonny blowing him, then he blowing Jonny. It could easily become a need.

Jonny's good at what he does, mouth made for cock, and he knows it, and he's found someone who appreciates it. And he's already addicted. It's been an easy slide from first taste to craving fix. He sucks harder, working his mouth down and back up the shaft, slurpy and just on the edge of rough.

And rough is just what Gerry needs. "Gonna, gonna come," he manages. It's all the warning Jonny's going to get.

It's all Jonny needs. He starts to pull back, remembering the previous night's conversation about slow fucks in the morning, but then decides he wants this a little bit more. Or, rather, something in-between. He does pull back, enough that when Gerry comes, it's not all down Jonny's throat, some of the white streaks coating his lips and cheeks. _What a bad boy am I._

Jonny slides himself up Gerry's body, almost a provocative crawl, his own hard cock pressing into Gerry's stomach. He licks out over his lips, sucking in the come, brings a finger up and wipes a smear of it off his cheek. "Damned good way to wake up. Need shower now," he murmurs, "and more sleep."

Gerry kisses Jonny's lips. "Okay," he whispers. "Whatever you want." He'd offer anything. And for the first time it occurs to him that this doesn't have to end when filming ends. He and Jonny could continue like this. They could be, well, boyfriends.

"You want to join? Shower?" Jonny would be happy to just stay here, sticky and curled up around Gerry. Forever, maybe. But he can't let himself think like that. Can he?

"Yeah." That sounds like it'd be fun. He could wash Jonny's back and Jonny could wash his, and maybe they could shag in there. But probably not. Why be uncomfortable when they can just as easily shag on the bed? "We can squeeze."

"It'll be a tight squeeze, yeah, but could be fun." Jonny pushes himself up, squirming to the edge of the bed. "How hot do you like it?"

"Scalding," Gerry says. He sits up. "So hot it burns your skin."

Jonny chuckles. "I knew there was I reason I liked you so much. We have the same temperature preference." He pushes off the edge of the bed, stands. "Makes for a perfect relationship."

"Mmhmm. That and liking the same Chinese food." Gerry gets up and brushes his lips across Jonny's cheek. "You know, we don't have to stop this. We can keep doing it. After filming, I mean."

"Really?" Jonny didn't mean to sound incredulous, but he knows it comes across that way. "I mean, you'd want to continue? Us?"

"Yeah. Course." Gerry frowns. "You don't? I mean...uh...I like you, Jonny. Want to stay with you."

"I like you, too. A lot." Jonny leans in, kisses Gerry's lips, quick, almost hesitant. "Never had a boyfriend. I like the idea."

Boyfriend. Yeah, Gerry likes that idea. He grins and gives Jonny a longer kiss. Yeah. Boyfriends. That sounds great.

  


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	5. jonnyleemiller: backstory: gerard and jonny lee break up

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
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_**backstory: gerard and jonny lee break up**_  
[players only. gerard butler met jonny lee miller on the set of _dracula_ in july 1999 and they started a nice, simple boyfriend relationship that lasted until fall 2002, at which point they broke up. in november 2003, they got back together. this is the story of what happened the night of the breakup in 2002.]

  
Gerard's over at Jonny Lee's house. He drove over last night, stayed, and it looks like he'll still be here tomorrow morning as well. Occasionally he wonders what the neighbors think about the second car only sometimes being in the drive way. He's making an early dinner now of pasta and a quick sauce in the kitchen and he can hear the noises from the PlayStation as Jonny Lee blasts his way through whatever the fuck he's been doing for the past five hours.

Jonny Lee's blasting through Tomb Raider, again, for the 20millionth time. He's content to sit and play till Gerard tells it's time for dinner. Hell, he'd play through dinner if his boyfriend didn't make him come to the table to eat. _Boyfriend_. It's been two years of spending nights one place or the other, secret lovers of sorts, and Jonny Lee's liking the idea of having a boyfriend around all the time. He still can't figure out what Gerard sees in him, why they're together.

Gerard takes the spaghetti out of the colander and slides it equally into two bowls. He pours the sauce on liberally and the puts the bowls on the kitchen table. Napkins, forks, cups, drinks. All too tedious. A quick peak into the living room shows Jonny Lee oblivious to the world. Gerard sighs.

"Yes, yes, almost there," Jonny Lee screams at the screen. "Fuck it. Blew the whole friggin' level." He slams the controls down into his lap, throws his head back against the couch.

"That's more than you can say for me," Gerard mutters. Then, louder, "Care to eat, Teak?"

"Huh." It takes a minute for Gerard's voice to filter across the room, into Jonny Lee's brain. He looks up, smiles at Gerard standing in the doorway. "Sure, Pire, I'm hungry." He pulls himself off the couch, pads into the kitchen, not bothering with shoes. "Didn't realize you were cooking? Thought we'd just do takeaway again."

Gerard shrugs. "I'm tired of Thai and Chinese. Thought I'd do some Italian of my own." Once Jonny Lee's in grabbing distance, he grabs him and gives him a very thorough kiss. He hates the way Jonny Lee immerses himself in video games to the extent that he ignores all else. Gerard thinks that he could strip naked and stand in front of Jonny Lee and the only thing his lover would do would be to tell him to get out of his line of sight.

That's definitely one of the perks of having a boyfriend. Great kisses. Jonny Lee wraps his arms around Gerard's waist, lets himself be pulled into the kiss, so unsure of whether he's even doing that right.

Gerard pushes Jonny Lee back against the wall, pinning his hands above his head and holding them there as the kiss continues. Jonny Lee's had his fun. Now it's time for Gerard to take some control.

_Who needs food?_ Jonny Lee only cursorily pulls against the restraint of Gerard's hands. He likes it when they play like this. He arches up, stretches his body against Gerard's, their height difference much more noticeable when Gerard has him pinned like this.

Gerard pulls back enough to suck hard against Jonny Lee bottom lip, then kisses Jonny Lee again. The food'll keep. Right now he wants his lover.

He moans as the kiss is broken, whimpers at the sucking and then moans right back into the next kiss. He's barely thinking about the food or the video game. _Damn, should've turned her right instead of left at that last hallway._ His brain flashes on where he went wrong and blew the level.

Finally Gerard pulls back. Smirks. Glances pointedly towards the kitchen table. "Food now. Sex later."

"Okay." There's a faint hint of protest in his brain, but Jonny Lee knows food now, sex later means he can back to his game after later, so he smiles and takes a seat at the table. "Looks good, Pire." He picks up a fork and swirls the pasta against his spoon. "Shite, I'm hungry."

"Then eat." Gerard says, smiling faintly. He digs into his spaghetti, mixing it until the sauce is equally distributed, and then makes a show of twirling a strand around his tongue and swallowing it down.

Watching Gerard in glances, Jonny Lee starts getting self-conscious about his eating habits, that he's attacking his food too eagerly, being too messy. He slows himself down. "So, Pire, do we have plans for the weekend?" he asks softly. He never assumes they're going to do anything together.

Gerard finishes chewing and swallowing before answering. "Well, there's a Radiohead concert Friday night and I've tickets, but if you don't want to go, we can always stay in."

"Radiohead. Cool. Didn't know you like them?" Jonny Lee barely finishes chewing before talking, bouncing with energy. "And we can do whatever you want."

"Great." Gerard leaves it at that. He'd gotten the tickets from a friend who decided not to go last minute, but there's no reason to tell Teak that. "Anything you want to do?"

"Not really. Thought I might pop in at Lester's and check out the new games. Supposed to a killer covert ops coming out this week." He takes a few more bites. "You know me, Pire, happy not leaving the house 'cept for work."

Except for work and gaming, Gerard amends mentally. It's almost pathetic already how much Jonny Lee loves his games. There's no _point_ to them. You move a little figure around a screen and somehow you accumulate points and kill things and in the end you've done nothing but sit down for days at a time, ruining your eyes. Gerard doesn't understand Jonny Lee's fascination with the damn things.

There's not much reason to leave the house anyway, since he's not working at the moment, kinda between jobs as actors are fond of saying. Hell, he's just out of work. Not that he minds that, either. "And I thought 'bout ringing up Ewan, see if he's up for a rematch." Jonny Lee's still stuffing pasta into his mouth, a bit more slowly now though. "He slaughtered me the other week." He looks up. "You know, Pire, I could teach you the game and we could play."

"No," Gerard says shortly, and that's the end of it. He doesn't want to talk about video games, he doesn't want to talk about Ewan McGregor, and at the moment, he can't think of anything he _wants_ to talk about.

The short answer startles Jonny Lee, so he puts his fork down, pushing his bowl aside. "Did I do something?" He never feels like he knows what's going on in Gerard's head, like it works in a manner way beyond him.

Oh, no, Mr. Miller, it's more like what you didn't do. But Gerard doesn't say that. "You didn't do anything," he says instead. "I just don't want to learn how to play fucking video games."

"Oh." That's all he manages to get out. _Fucking video games._ Yeah, he knows he's stupid and can't do much other than that. "That's okay, Pire, you don't have to." He plays with his napkin, folding and refolding it, having something to do other than look at Gerard.

"Yeah." Gerard finishes eating in silence, not looking at Jonny Lee. Once he's done he glances over. "You finished eating?"

"Yessir," he snaps out, suddenly feeling like a kid again, not a 30-year-old man who's been living on his own for years. "May I be excused from the table?"

It's an odd question. "Sure," Gerard says. He gathers up the bowls and puts them in the sink.

Jonny Lee stands up, watches Gerard clear the table, debates whether or not to head back to the living room. "So, you wanna do anything tonight?" He picks up one of the books off the kitchen cabinet, thumbs through it.

Gerard shrugs. "What were you thinking of doing?" He glances at the book, but can't quite catch the title. Probably a cooking book.

"Well, you mentioned sex." He turns the book over in his hands, shuffles his weight against the door jamb. "Or, I could, you know, just stay out of your way."

"Sex sounds good. Come over here and kiss me."

Dropping the book, hoping it hits the counter instead of the floor, Jonny Lee walks over to Gerard, goes up on his toes and kisses him, a solid brush of lips just the other side of chaste. He steps back, smiles.

Gerard doesn't let the kiss remain chaste for long. He wraps his arms around Jonny Lee and parts his lips with his tongue. _Now, this is more like it_.

That's even better. Deep kisses lead to fondling and that segues into fucking and Jonny Lee loves having Gerard fuck him. It's better than video games even. He slides his arms around Gerard's waist and under his shirt. "Here? Bedroom?" he asks in quick pulses when Gerard lets him breathe.

"Here," Gerard says before pulling Jonny Lee back towards him. He can almost forget his frustration when he does this. Can almost forget himself in Jonny Lee's mouth. He reaches his hands under Jonny Lee's shirt and holds him close, fingers gripping harder than he realizes into Jonny Lee's hip.

"Ow," he mutters without thinking, the sudden pain alarming his brain. Jonny Lee shakes it off. Gerard's rough on occasion. That's okay. He keeps working his hands up Gerard's back, pushing the cotton up, pressing palms into warm flesh. "Need you naked then. Now."

"Don't be so demanding," Gerard whispers, then moves down to nibble on Jonny Lee's neck. If there's one thing in the world that will distract his boyfriend every time, it's vampire play.

"Aw, fuck, Pire," Jonny Lee's whimpering before the third nibble. "C'mon, you can do all over my body if we get naked." He tilts his head back, cranes his neck and lets out a hissing moan at a particularly sharp nip.

"Rather do it here." Gerard swipes the flat of his tongue over Jonny Lee's Adam's apple. "More delicious." Curls his tongue and presses it against the strongest pulse point.

Resistance isn't only futile, it's damned frustrating when your boyfriend has such a fuckin' fantastic control on your libido. Jonny Lee draws in a quick breath, holds it against the tiny rush of endorphins channeling the arousal through his body. "Please." It's not begging, but coming close. "Fuck me, then." He pushes Gerard's shirt on up, starting to tug it over his lover's head.

Gerard pulls back from Jonny Lee long enough for his shirt to go over his head and then he's back like a leech, sucking hard. He wants to mark Jonny Lee before fucking him. He wants there to at least be proof that Jonny Lee's hands might bear the red marks from the vid game controller, but where it counts, he's Ger's.

For the moment, Jonny Lee's not thinking about video games. Not much. His hands are working the buttons of Gerard's jeans as adeptly as he handles the controls of his _Mortal Kombat_ warriors, though, and quickly he has a hand between their bodies, cupping Gerard's cock.

"Want this," he says, almost a shout when Gerard sucks hard over his pulse point. He knows it's gonna be red-splotch-purple in minutes.

Gerard can't help but bite down as a warm hand takes hold of his cock. He thrusts into Jonny Lee's hand and sucks harder, if possible. He wants this mark to last through a thousand levels, a thousand games. He wants this mark to be more permanent than Jonny Lee's attention span.

"God _fucking_ damn, mate." The scream's genuine. That bloody hurt. Jonny Lee squeezes Gerard's cock, almost retaliatory, definitely hard enough he'll take note of it, remember it.

The squeeze makes Gerard pull back, away from the throat and hand. He can see the mark, wet and purple on Jonny Lee's neck, and he knows it's going to be there for a long time. He smiles. Grins, even. Looks at Jonny Lee. "Now, what was it you wanted?"

Jonny Lee smiles, coy and pouty. "I want you to fuck me. It's very simple. Tab A goes into Slot B and then it's repeated."

"Say anything that cute again and we're back to kissing." Gerard resists the urge to stick his tongue out at him. Just earlier he'd been wondering why he stayed. Now he can't think of a reason to leave. "Bed or cabinet?"

"Bed. My back's still sore from doing it in the laundry room yesterday." Jonny Lee does stick out his tongue, then turns on heel and heads for the bedroom. "Am I _really_ cute, Pire? Wriggle the arse for you, mate?"

"You," Gerard catches up and slaps Jonny Lee on the ass, "are so cute kittens are jealous. So cute you should be on a cereal box. So cute that angles are all bigger than you." He's not quite thinking clearly, just wants to, as Jonny Lee said, insert tabs into slots.

Jonny Lee half-turns on the stairs at the last of those analogies, looks over his shoulder. "Should I get that cute angles thing? Or is this another 'Teak's not real bright' moments?"

"It's one of those 'Pire isn't coherent when he wants to fuck you' moments." Gerard pushes Jonny Lee more up the stairs. "Go on. Wanna fuck you."

Bedroom's off to the left and Jonny Lee's tossing his shirt into the corner as he walks through the door. Jeans are being shrugged down his hips before he makes his halfway to the bed, and they're left where he steps out of them, and he's snagging condoms and lube from the dresser top where he'd thrown them after getting back from the pharmacist.

"Which way, Pire? Want me to ride you tonight?" he asks, licking his lips. Mostly life is Gerard fucking Jonny Lee bent over the nearest flat object. Sometimes it's reversed, when Gerard's in a weird mood.

Gerard gets out of his jeans and boxers, throwing them in the vague direction of a chair. He runs after it at last moment and salvages a condom from the pocket. "You wanna ride me, Teak?" It doesn't matter to him tonight. He just wants to be inside Teak.

"Yeah," he says, handing over the lube after squeezing out a bit over his fingers. "Don't do that often enough, and I like it, being able to watch you." He crawls on the bed, sits back on his heels, watching Ger as he preps himself, wincing and puffing air at the invasion.

"Fair enough." Gerard unwraps the condom and gets it on. He sits down on the bed and flips around so that his legs go over Jonny Lee's kneeling form. "When you're ready."

Jonny Lee shifts on the bed, straddles Gerard's legs and works himself down onto Gerard's cock. "Oh, yeah." Slowly, pushing an inch at a time. "So fuckin' tight. And so incredible."

Gerard squeezes his eyes shut and his hands go up to cling at the pillows. He's never told Jonny Lee, but he doesn't like looking when someone's on top, even though there's really no top in this relationship. It's just that there's someone above him, someone with the ultimate control. Gerard doesn't like that.

Settled down, Jonny Lee stretches his upper body a little, shifting the angle of penetration as he works up and down on Gerard's cock. He licks over Gerard's nipples. "Open your eyes, Pire," he purrs. "Want you to see what you do to me."

Right. He can do that. Gerard opens his eyes slowly, wanting more nipple-play. But he's not going to ask. Right now it'd come off more as an order. And Jonny Lee. Is. Not. His. Boy. As much as he wants to ask him, he knows it'd only be because he wants to order him to trash all his games and his PlayStation. And that'd be wrong. So he's made damn sure the topic's never come up.

Jonny Lee licks Gerard's nipple, biting softly, and rocks back, balancing the rhythm of fucking himself on his lover with teasing that lover with nips and kisses. "Love doing this, having you inside me," he says, shifting and pushing his weight down a bit more, pushing Gerard deeper inside him. "Better than anything."

Gerard licks his lips and thrusts his hips upwards. "Better than _Tomb Raider_?"

He thinks for a minute, probably too long, before answering. "Um, yeah, guess so. No sex in that," Jonny Lee says, meeting the thrust with a solid push down. "Maybe there'll be more in the second game. You get the girl?"

Gerard had been hoping for, no, wanting, a quick answer. A decisive answer. Somehow he'd known he wasn't going to get one. "They don't know yet," he answers shortly. It's true. He's seen at least five different final versions of the fucking script. Hasn't shown any of them to Teak yet.

Jonny Lee pushes Gerard's terse response to the back of his brain. It'll register later that maybe he shouldn't've mentioned the video games, but then it'll be too late. Right now, he's intensely rocking his body against his lover. Last thing he wants to think about is that lover being with his ex-wife, no matter how well he and Ang get along.

Gerard can't stop mulling over Jonny Lee's response. Can't stop thinking about how obsessed Teak is. It's not fair that Teak likes video games more than he likes him. It's not fair that Teak spends more time with them than with his _boyfriend_. "What are you thinking about?" he growls.

"Huh? Nothing." It's a half-truth. Jonny Lee's brain is randomizing through a million things, from a mind's-eye view of Gerard and Angie _doing it_ for the cameras to how close he is to coming and he hasn't even touched himself to how he's gonna get past that warrior on the lowest level of _Stygian Abyss_. "Fucking. What else?"

If Gerard was in any position to shrug, he would. As it is, he pushes his hips upwards all he can, trying to lose himself in sex once more.

"Pire, getting close," Jonny Lee mutters, sliding his hand over his cock. "Wanna come?" He pushes down hard, sliding his knees forward, stretching back out over Gerard's chest. Jonny Lee licks a path over his lover's throat. "Tastes better than candy."

Not bloody working. Gerard bites back a heated _And is it more fun than your fucking PlayStation_? and reaches around to grip Jonny Lee's hips. Sex is good. Not distracting at all. Fuck. "If you can make me." He doubts it. He's nowhere near close.

Not deterred, Jonny Lee works harder, pumping his body up and down on Gerard's cock. He can feel his arse clench, create the drag over hardening, lengthening flesh as he moves upward. "C'mon, Pire, give it to me." He's at it another 10 minutes, maybe more. "Fuck, why you holding back?"

"Because I'm not fucking close!" he growls, punctuating his words with thrusts that do little besides give him some nice friction. "Because I'm barely fucking aroused! You and your fucking," thrust, "idiotic," thrust, "half-assed childish _games_! It's not fucking amusing anymore!"

"What?" There's a definite _meep_ quality to his voice. Jonny Lee's fuckin' confused. He thought they were fucking, and doing it damned well. And then. "Stop. Just stop then." He pulls up, but Gerard's hands are tight on his hips. "Let me go, Pire. If you don't want it."

"I _do_ want it." He accompanies it with a particularly vicious thrust that does nothing for him. There's a sinking feeling in his stomach. "I want _you_. I want to stay with you and have you be mine, but you won't let me do that! Why won't you let me love you?!" Gerard looks away and drops his hands from Jonny Lee. "Get off me," he says harshly.

The last startles Jonny Lee so he pulls back, off and kneels back at the bed's end. "I _do_ love you. I fuckin' love you more than anyone I've ever known, Pire." He's confused, doesn't have time to hurt yet. "What'd I do? Or not do?"

For one wild moment, Gerard doesn't know where he is. There isn't all that much light and one boy...one boy can look too much like another. Gerard scrambles into sitting back against the headboard and looking at Jonny Lee. No. The only thing boy about him is that he's still a fucking teenager and won't be a proper lover. Wants all the sex and none of the relationship. And it doesn't fucking _work_ like that. Need to give a little to get a little. This is not a fucking relationship of convenience. It's Gerard's life, been his life ever since they first started being something more than fuckbuddies. He thought they had a relationship.

But it's not a relationship. It can't be. And if it is, they have different ideas of what sort of reality they're living in. Gerard's world doesn't revolve around Teak, never has, but Teak's an important player. And now it seems like Gerard's just a peripheral character in Jonny Lee's version of life. He plays all day, sleeps when he wants, and in between there's this strange Scottish bloke shoving food down his mouth and trying to develop something other than sex.

_It's oil and water, Butler. Never the twain shall meet._ He realizes that now. And once realized, there's no going back. There's more things between them than video games, and the rift seems to be getting larger the more Gerard thinks about it. He rolls over and stands up, grabbing whatever clothing is closest.

"We weren't good enough," he answers. "I realize that now." It's both their faults and, fuck it, Gerard knows that Jonny Lee won't ever blame himself. After all, Jonny Lee's just like a fucking rock. He sits on his couch and the world goes on around him, passing him by. He participates when he wants to, but otherwise he couldn't care less.

Well, Gerard's just one more thing to pass him by.

  


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	6. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: phone talk after breaking up (backstory)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Originally posted November 24th, 2004)

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2002](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2002/)-[12](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2002/12/)-[10](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2002/12/10/) 21:25:00   
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_**JLM/GB: phone talk after breaking up (backstory)** _  
**[players only. retcon major. occurs tuesday night, december 10, 2002. another backstory explaining more about gerard and jonny's states of mind[between breaking up in fall 2002](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/23394.html) and [getting back together in november 2003](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/1007.html).]**

Gerard really doesn't want to call Jonny Lee. He knows he has to, knows that it's the one thing he still needs to do, but it doesn't make it any easier. He'd had his first drink in four years after he walked out, and the second drink had been right behind it. He's been shifting now for days, barely noticing when his agent gave him the thumbs up on 'Timeline' and said he'd have to back out of 'Mindhunters'.

He'd suggested Jonny Lee for the role back when they were still together and there'd been talk of switching. But now Gerard has to call Jonny Lee and tell him about the part. And he wishes it was anybody else. He doesn't think he can hear Jonny Lee's voice now and not hurt.

Jonny Lee's barely functioning these days. There's no work on the horizon, which suits him fine. Time to sit at the house, barely dressed, and play video games. And, oh yeah, think about Gerard. A lot. He knows he fucked up, knows it's his fault, but he can't figure out how to say he's sorry. The phone rings and he pauses killing people long enough to answer it, praying it's not Angie again, wanting to console him.

"Miller," he says, leaning back against the couch.

Gerard had been hoping that it'd go straight to voicemail. He really doesn't want to talk to Jonny Lee right now. But, Christ, his voice sounds good. Gerard wants to crawl back inside it, curl up on the couch with Jonny Lee and forget that they broke up. But he can't do that. It's still too fresh in his mind. They can't work together. Tried and failed. "Hi, Jonny," he says. "It's me. Gerard."

"Hi, Gerard." Last person he expects to call, even want to talk to him. Damn, he sounds good, though, and Jonny Lee wants to be back in bed, listening to his lover whisper for him to come. Only they're not lovers anymore. Didn't work. "How are you?"

"I'm doing well." _Take me back._ "How are you, uh, holding up?"

_Please come back._ "Doing okay." _Barely keeping it together._ "Ang is in town, made me go out the other night. Paps were there, of course."

"Was it fun?" Back with his ex. Was Gerard just a rebound, then? Just a stop between Angie and Angie. Well. That'll make it hell to work with her. "Did you, did you have fun?"

"Not really. Wasn't you." Jonny Lee says it before he thinks. _He's not coming back. Just give it up._ "It was okay. Nothing's there. Just friends."

Gerard flinches. He'd known this wouldn't be easy, but he hadn't thought it'd be this hard. "Friends are good. Friends are..." Fuck it, Butler. Just tell him. "I recommended you for a part in a movie."

"You what?"

"Remember, uh, how I mentioned that I might get a role in that time travel movie? Well, I got it, and so I didn't sign on 'Mindhunters'."

"Okay." Jonny Lee vaguely recalls the conversation. Most of anything they talked about other than that the relationship was falling apart was lost in the break-up. "'Mindhunters'. Okay. I guess I should have my agent call someone?" He shouldn't this lost, he thinks. He had a life before Gerard, a career, some reason to exist. "Oh, congratulations, I guess. Time travel. Cool."

"Thanks. It looks like it'll be good. And, no, they're calling you." Gerard runs his fingers through his hair. Maybe if he keeps repeating it in his head, this won't be so hard.

"Thanks, Pire." Jonny Lee stretches out, wonders if he's entitled to keep using the pet name. "You in London still?" _Think we could get together, at least for lunch?_

"Yeah, London." He'd had nowhere else to go, and hadn't felt like going home to Scotland. "I'm living in my flat until going to Montreal for 'Timeline'." _You should come over some time. We could have lunch and talk._ "And you're...you're around?"

"Yeah, haven't left." _Nowhere to go. No one to go with._ "Guess I'll be traveling, though, for the film." Just ask, Miller. He's not going to bite. "You wouldn't wanna meet, would you? Coffee."

"Uh." Now that he's asked, Gerard isn't sure that it's a good idea. They'll fight, it'll get worse, it has to get worse. It can't get better. It'll never be better. They don't fit together, they're too different. Gerard's uptight, and Jonny Lee couldn't video game his way out of life. Though Gerard thinks he might try. "I'm...really busy right now, Teak." It's a complete lie, but Gerard tries to tell himself that it's not so bad. They shouldn't meet. It'll only be more painful. "I don't...need to see you right now." _Liar._ He wants to see him. He wants to see him so badly that he's one ounce of self-control away from driving over and camping out, just staring, hoping that he'll catch a glimpse of Jonny Lee. "It might be better if we didn't. Less...less painful. For us."

"Yeah. Sure. That makes sense." _No, it doesn't. Makes no bloody sense at all. It's stupid._ Jonny Lee doesn't say any of that. Or left his voice convey his sadness. He wants Gerard, wants him back, in his bed, his life. Or else out of his damned brain. "Maybe we'll pass at a premiere in the spring."

"Yeah." Gerard can't help but be disappointed that Jonny Lee didn't press the issue. He should have. He should have pushed and Gerard would have agreed. It should have been that way. Complete opposite of how their time together had been, but they broke up. This should go back to their equilibrium. Jonny Lee should have pushed. _Or maybe you shouldn't have sounded so eager to be rid of him._ "Your ex-wife stars in my next film. Maybe you'll show up with her."

"We're not getting back together, Gerard," Jonny Lee snaps, "if that's what you're wondering. It was a date. She wanted me to stop feeling sorry for myself. That's all." _Fuck it, Miller, tell him you love him. Just say the damned words._ "If you want, though, I can send the few things you left with her to wherever you're filming." It's over. _Just like you and me._ Finished. No way he and Gerard are getting back together.

Gerard feels like he's been slapped across the face. "Christ, Teak..." He won't cry. He won't let Jonny Lee know how much that hurt. "Keep them," he says. "K--just keep them." They don't matter. Just some shirts, some trousers. Maybe a book or two. And maybe Jonny Lee would learn to read things that aren't video game instructions. "I don't need them."

"I don't need 'em either." Jonny Lee picks up Gerard's Glasgow University sweatshirt and balls it up, tucks it in under his head as he stretches out on the floor. "I'll stick 'em in a box, just in case" _you come back_ "you decide different. Anything else you needed tonight?" Me? A good wank over the phone? Anything.

Come back to me. It's on the tip of Gerard's tongue, but he swallows it down. Jonny Lee doesn't want him anymore. He could have run after Gerard, he could have called. Fuck, he knows where Gerard lives. Jonny Lee hasn't made the move and therefore, Gerard reasons, Jonny Lee can't want him anymore. And as much as Gerard aches to go over there and take him into his arms, he can't do it. It won't do any good. They'll just go back to the way they were before. Nothing's changed. And nothing's ever going to change. Jonny Lee will remain immature and emotionally stunted and Gerard will be alone as always. Maybe that's the way the universe is supposed to be. "No," he says at last. "I don't think there's anything else I need tonight." _Besides you._

_Please come back._ He thinks it, but can't say it. If Gerard wants him, he'd say so. He obviously doesn't, and he'll find someone better. Someone who isn't in love with video games, an emotional basketcase and basically a spoiled, immature brat. Jonny Lee recalls Gerard's words, their anger. Fine. He doesn't have to come back. Jonny Lee'll be fine. He can spend more time with Jude and Ewan. Hasn't seen much of 'em lately. "Thanks for the job," he says. "I do appreciate that."

"Don't mention it." _Please call me back. Please call me. Ask me to come back._ He shouldn't hope. It's wrong. It'll only be hurting the both of them. With time, he thinks, maybe the pain will start to lessen. Or isn't absence supposed to make the heart grow fonder? Gerard swears under his breath. "I, uh, Jonny, I..." Don't you want me? Don't you want me anymore? _Did you ever want me?_ "Break a leg," he says finally. "I know that you'll be wonderful." He always is, except for when he's being so excruciatingly stubborn that Gerard can't deal with him.

"You, too, Pire." It hurts too much, and Jonny Lee curls into a ball, wrapping himself around the books and shirts cluttered on the floor, all of what Gerard left, littering the living room, covering the video game boxes. He clicks the phone off. "Love you. Always."

The dia-tone has never felt so empty. "Miss you," Gerard whispers, and then tosses the phone away. He throws his arm over his eyes and tries to imagine what Jonny Lee's doing now. And no matter what he thinks, it only hurts more.

  


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	7. jonnyleemiller: JLM/GB: You do bondage? (backstory)

| (Not) Jonny Lee Miller ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/profile)[ **jonnyleemiller**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/) ) wrote,  
@ [2005](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2005/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2005/01/)-[07](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/2005/01/07/) 16:21:00   
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_**JLM/GB: You do bondage? (backstory)** _  
**[This is backstory offering a bit of explanation about Jonny Lee's introduction to kink and the first attempt he and Gerard made at bondage. It occurs during the filming of _Complicity_ in spring 2000 (at least that's when we're placing filming for game purposes). In that film, Jonny plays a reporter who collects addictions, including kinky sex.]**

They're not filming one place more than a few days. Edinburgh. Glasgow. Perth. So it's easier for Jonny Lee to stay in Gerard's flat in Glasgow. They're a couple. As much as they can be, together more than not since _Dracula_ finished filming the summer before. He's nervous as hell about the role. Cameron Colley's into the darker side of life, cocaine and, as the script he's reading over says, "bondage, sodomy and sex in inappropriate settings."

"Pire, can I ask you something?" He looks up at Gerard, who's walking out of the bathroom.

"Sure." Gerard's rubbing at his hair with a towel and he tosses it back into the bathroom. "What about?"

"You ever do bondage?"

Gerard freezes. Has he done something, said something...? He'd thought he'd managed to hold the kinky stuff back. Sure, they've been rough, but nothing like bondage. "Why-why do you ask?"

"Well, this script calls for it." Jonny Lee squirms back into the pillows on the bed. It's not a subject they've broached, not one he's even thought about. Rough sex is enough. "The guy I'm playing, Cameron, he's into being tied up and there's a scene with the girl he's shagging."

Oh. A script. _Whew._ Gerard sits on the bed next to Jonny Lee. "I've done it a few times," he says carefully. "What do you want to know about it?"

Jonny blushes. "Okay, he's tied with scarves to the bedposts, and he's kneeling." He glances back at the script. "Fuck, that's gotta hurt. I don't bend that far back to stretch for running."

"How's he tied?" _Don't mention that you'd love to see him like that. Don't go down that road._ "Maybe it's not so much of a bend."

"Let me show you." Jonny Lee doesn't think anything about coming up to his knees. He puts the script down and kneels up, pyjama bottoms stretching over his thighs as he folds his legs under him, ankles out slightly to the sides. "I think it's like this." He can feel the burn in his calves as he stretches his arms back toward the bed's headboard. "Yeah, this would be it."

Bloody hell. Gerard swallows hard. "That's...that's..." More erotic than anything in the world. "That looks like what they'd want you to do." He reaches out and strokes the stretches muscles of Jonny's thighs. "It hurt?"

"Fuck, yeah. Burns, like warming up for a long run." Jonny Lee notices something else, too. Definite arousal. "If I'm tied, though, it'll stretch more. I'll end up pulling a bleedin' muscle."

"Well, then we'll just have to make sure you don't." Gerard smiles. _You're pathetic, Gerry._ "We can practice now, if you want. Enough practice and it shouldn't hurt as much."

"Practice? You're gonna tie me up?" Jonny Lee's trying hard not to look confused, or smile. "Guess it couldn't hurt. Much. I'm scared enough about being naked in front of the whole room. Might make it easier."

"I can tie you up. If you want. I'll do my best to make sure if doesn't hurt." It's been years, but it's the kind of thing you don't forget how to do. "We don't have to, if you don't want to. Don't want to force you into this."

"Force me into it? What? You're helping me understand the role, Pire." Jonny Lee grins. _Yeah, that's right, just for the role._ "What do we do first?"

"I don't want...to pressure you into practicing now." But it seems like Jonny Lee wants this, if only to practice and not for real. "First we get you naked."

"Naked I can do. For you." Jonny Lee kneels back up and strips out of his t-shirt, tossing it over the bed's end. Then he rolls back and shimmies out of the bottoms, throwing them after the shirt. He's half-hard already, just from Gerard being so close. He's definitely going to be in character by the time he's tied.

It's nothing new, seeing Jonny Lee naked. But now he's hard, and Gerard hopes that it's from going to be tied up. _Please, let him swing that way._ Gerard scrounges around for things to tie Jonny with and finds two scarves and two ties. He holds them in front of Jonny Lee. "Which would you prefer?"

"Hmm," Jonny Lee says, tilting his head, contemplating the colors. "Don't you need all of them? Two hands, two feet."

"Yeah, but if there's one you don't like, I could try to find a substitute."

"Nah, they're fine. So, I should get into position, right?"

"Yeah. On your knees first, though. I'll tie you like that."

Jonny Lee goes up on his knees. He's never done this with Gerard, except when he's blowing him, and it's kinda neat, in a weird way. He stretches his arms behind him. "Like this? That work okay?"

"Yeah. That's good." It doesn't have to be perfect. Shouldn't be. And the knots aren't going to be too tight. "But that reminds me." _Should have remember it when he asked you to do this._ "You're going to need a safeword. If you want me to stop, that's what you say."

"Huh? A safeword? I'll just say stop." Jonny Lee's slightly confused. The tiny bit of S&M he and Angie dabbled in never involved any safewords.

Gerard shakes his head. _That's not going to work if I'm not listening._ "Stop doesn't always mean stop, not in this kind of thing. You need a word that really does mean stop, so I'll stop, and immediately."

Jonny Lee isn't sure he's following that logic. Gerard would stop no matter what. Wouldn't he? "So what kind of word? Does it matter?"

"It doesn't matter. It's generally one that you'll remember, something that means something to you. My, uh, the last time I really did this, with someone I was with," Gerard tries to smile. "His safeword was Beowulf."

"Odd word. Not something you'd just say in random conversation." Jonny Lee thinks for a moment, decides it's better not to ask about that last person, that maybe he shouldn't know. "Okay, how 'bout cacophony? That means something to me."

"Ok. That's a good one." Cacophony. Gerard'll start listening for it now, so that maybe if Jonny Lee actually says it... _Stop. Thinking. About. It._ Maybe he should have asked Peter to slap him out of that harder. "And if I want something to end, I'll say 'end scene'."

"Gotcha. Okay, Pire, tie me up." Jonny Lee's grinning as he straightens his back, stretches and rolls his neck. "Let's see if I like it."

Gerard sincerely hopes he does. "Tell me if it's too tight." He ties Jonny Lee's ankles to the bed, and then rubs his thigh. "Good?"

It's an odd feeling. Never been tied up by a lover. Jonny Lee breathes out, then in. "The rubbing feels good."

"Anything else?" Gerard slides his hand up Jonny Lee's thighs and cups his cock. "This feel good?"

"Fuck, yeah, that feels good." Jonny Lee pushes up into Gerard's touch. "Ngh. That pulls when I do that." Weird thing, it's not a bad feeling.

"It's supposed to pull. You're tied; not supposed to go anywhere." He strokes up Jonny Lee's stomach and tweaks his nipples. "Tell me when you're comfortable enough for me to do your arms."

There's no way not to squirm. Fuck. "Pire, you better do 'em now. And, you know, you're following the script damned well. Although I think Keeley's supposed to use her mouth, not fingers."

"You want me to use my mouth?" Tying his lover up is not supposed to be this erotic. _Oh, who am I kidding? Of course it is._ Gerard reaches around and ties Jonny Lee's arms to the bed, then kisses along the stretch of his shoulders. _Been way too fucking long._ Jonny Lee. Tied beneath him. Not going anywhere. Gerard can do anything he damn pleases. Torture comes to mind.

Jonny Lee tugs on the restraints. Okay, damned tight. And it feels, uh, good. "Okay, it's supposed to hurt, right? Just a little. Not feel good. Not feel like you want to stay like this ... oh, fuck sick." Gerard's tongue traces over the dragon stretched across Jonny's upper arm and Jonny moans, shifts. "Ah, ouch, yeah, that pulled. Okay. Breathe. Yeah, breathing's good."

"It's supposed to hurt," Gerard murmurs against Jonny Lee's arm, "but it's not supposed to hurt too much. If it does, I'll loosen it." He doesn't want to. Jonny Lee looks delicious spread out like this. But it's Jonny Lee's first time. But the voices in his head are whispering that it might be the only time, and that he should make the most of it. And Gerard almost wonders just how good a boy Jonny Lee could be. But this isn't that kind of relationship. It won't work. "Do you want me to loosen it?"

"No," Jonny Lee says, quick to answer. And he means it. There's a switch in his brain been toggled, and it's nice. Well, nice isn't exactly the right word. And he doesn't think he should like it. "It's okay. Just strange." _He's gonna think you're crazy if you actually like this._

"Ok." He tweaks Jonny Lee's nipples again. "But you tell me if it gets too bad. No shame is making it looser, Teak. Your first time."

First time. The words echo in Jonny Lee's brain. There'll be a next time? "Cameron does this a lot, so I guess I need to get used to it." _Fuck it, Miller, you're not a Method actor. What gives?_ He shakes his head, refocusing from the ripple pain of nipple tweak. "Script says something about coffee and ice and then she's fucking him. I think that's when he pulls something 'cause he's limping next morning."

Gerard feels stupid. Here he was, trying to make Jonny Lee feel comfortable, and the character's supposed to be limping and not used to it. "Whatever you want, Teak. Do you want me to, uh, play with coffee and ice?" Temperature play. Fuck it, he shouldn't want this. Not like this. Jonny doesn't want it; he's only doing this for a role.

"Uh, not sure about that. Maybe. Look at the script. There's some line Cameron makes the next morning about playing with Yvonne leaving him with pulled ligaments and burned genitals." Jonny Lee manages a smile and tugs again at his restraints. "This isn't bad as I thought it'd be. How long can you stay like this?"

"Burned genitals?" Gerard repeats. "Not doing that. I don't know how long you can stay like that. Never tested your limits." And he shouldn't be thinking of doing just that. Should. Not.

"I think it's from the coffee, Pire. No mention of flame in the script." Jonny Lee leans his head back. It's getting hard to keep upright. "Okay, awkward position. Would definitely have to have back support after too long. And I'm thinking a girl fucking herself on me would be beyond pleasure into serious pain."

Gerard nods. Serious pain is off the table. He strokes Jonny Lee's arm. "Do you want me to untie you now, since now you know what it's gonna feel like?" He doesn't want to, but this isn't a scene. This is practice. Very different.

Jonny Lee shakes his head. "Nah. Not yet. Kiss me?" He's grinning, doesn't want to let go of the pain quite yet. "Would ask for a blow, but know it's not your thing. Could make me come, though, just with a bit of touch. Almost there now."

Really?! _Ok, so maybe he does like bondage. Still doesn't change anything._ "Do you want me to...uh, blow you?" It's not Gerard's favourite thing, but Jonny Lee's tied up. It's the least he can do.

"That'd kinda be like being fucked by a girl," Jonny Lee says, "so, yeah, it'd give me the experience. I guess."

That's one Gerard's never heard before, but he can deal with it. "All right. A blowjob. Anything else?"

Jonny Lee's hesitant to ask. "Uh, what else would you do if you were doing this to me for real?" He's damned curious, a helluva lot turned on, and despite the ache in his back from holding straight, doesn't want to be untied until Gerard's done with him. _You're a sick fuck, Miller. Totally._

"If I were doing it for real?" Can of fucking worms. What _wouldn't_ he do? But it all comes down to one thing. Can't do the clamps or the cockring or biting or scratching or torturing unless... "Do you like pain?"

"I run marathons, Pire. I kinda thrive on pain." Jonny Lee knows that's not exactly the type of pain Gerard's thinking about, but it's close enough. He thinks. He's never taken much pain with sex. "What you thinking?"

Okay, light pain, then. Nothing too strong or hurty. Gerard closes his eyes and visualizes Jonny Lee chained up tight, with a feather going down his chest. And knives. And cutting. _Fucking beautiful._ "I'd," he clears his throat. "I'd want to lick you and bite you. And torture."

"Licking. Biting. Oh, yeah." Jonny Lee's cock is harder now. Starting to ache. "Torture? Like in bruising. Cutting, maybe." He doesn't think he's told Gerard about his history with knives, the passion he has for sharp edges. Oh, no, he's sure he hasn't. "Definitely start with the licking. Biting. Please."

"Yeah, bruises." Jonny Lee would look beyond amazing covered in Gerard's marks. He licks up Jonny Lee's thigh and bites down on the side, not too hard, but not too soft that Jonny Lee won't feel it.

"Fuck yeah." Jonny Lee jerks against the restraints, feels the burn ice down his thighs. Oh, hell, gonna pull something. Definitely. "That was good. More."

So maybe just a little kinky. Gerard bites down harder, and sucks on the bite. He wants this to mark. He wants Jonny Lee to wear his marks. _Slippery slope._

"That's, uh, oh, fuck, I like that." Jonny Lee struggles, twisting his wrists in the ties, wanting to get free to hold his lover, and at the same time wishing the bindings were tighter. Tighter? Fuck, he'd lose circulation.

And Gerard likes it. He bites up Jonny Lee's thigh, leaving little teeth marks. Jonny Lee'd said he'd wanted a blowjob. Gerard licks up Jonny Lee's cock and kisses it lightly. "Want it, Teak?"

"Please. Yes, Pire. Suck me." Jonny Lee arches up, pushing his cock against Gerard's lips.

Hard to argue with that. This isn't Gerard's favourite thing to do, but he does like the way Jonny Lee reacts to it. There's a lot of power in a blowjob. Gerard takes Jonny Lee's cock in his mouth and begins to suck. He's not the best at it, but he knows he's not the worst.

Jonny Lee hasn't had that many guys suck his cock. Mostly he's on the giving side, which he prefers. But this isn't bad. The angle's strange and he's having to shift to work his cock down Gerard's throat. That strains at the thigh muscles. "Fuck sick hell," he murmurs, equal ripples of pain and pleasure shuddering his body.

It's always interesting to do this to a bound boy, but Jonny Lee's not a boy. He's just bound. Gerard has to remind him not to take too much control. He sucks harder, trying to make Jonny Lee make noises for him. That's the part of this he's always liked the most.

Noises are the easy part. They slide out of Jonny Lee's throat. Moans. Whimpers. The random "fuck sick great" creeps out when Gerard's teeth touch down. He's definitely getting off on this. Not sure if it's being bound. Or being bound by Gerard. Or, oh fuck, doesn't matter.

Gerard squeezes Jonny Lee's thighs and pulls back a little. This is torture, and it's going to be torture. If he's never going to do this to Jonny Lee again, he wants it to be something he'll remember.

"No. Don't. Stop." Jonny Lee's in pain. Nothing major, but his shoulder's burning from the pull. He really shouldn't like it this much. No, he shouldn't. It's just practice for a role. Not like it's going to be something they're doing all the time. "Pire, you're good at this."

Gerard pulls back completely at the stop, then realizes that Jonny Lee was trying to tell him not to stop. Oops. "You want me to go on?"

"Fuck, yeah." He's breathing hard, sweat trickling down his chest. "More." He emphasizes the word.

"More?" Gerard teases. He licks just behind Jonny Lee's balls. "How much more do you want," _boy_ , "Teak?"

"Um, uh," Jonny Lee swallows, tries to find his voice. "Push. Not sure. Confused, Pire. It feels good, even the hurt."

"Right now, Pire, I just don't want it to stop. I want to come. I want to hurt."

_'I want to hurt.' Christ._ Gerard licks his lips. "How do you want to hurt?" He squeezes Jonny Lee's thighs. "How do you want me to hurt you, Teak?"

Jonny Lee tugs at the wrist restraints, pulling them tighter than he means to. _Fuck sick, that hurts._ "Never asked for pain, except for cutting," he says. "Hands. Want your hands all over me."

"I can do that." He pinches the skin beneath his hands and then presses hard, trying for bruises. He starts sucking Jonny Lee's cock again, keeping that safeword in the back of his head. Cacophony. Where did Jonny Lee pull that one from?

He bruises easily. Always has. Fair skin and all. Gerard's marks'll be on him for days. Makeup won't mind. They don't even try to cover up the tattoos. Why bother with bruises? And he's damned close to coming. Or he thinks so. His brain's turning to mush. He arches up, screams at the pain that rips through his hip from stretching too much. "Fuck." He pants out a few breaths, tries to center. _What was that about stopping? Some word or such._

Gerard sucks harder, wanting Jonny Lee to come in his mouth. That's power there, and this kind of thing is always about power. It has to be, since it's not about love.

Jonny Lee's too far gone to think about stopping, though. All he can focus on is coming, his cock deep into Gerard's throat, jerking and pulsing. He's screaming, too, the binds on his ankles suddenly way too tight, his calf muscles throbbing and his shoulders burning with the stretch. "Enough," he shouts. "Damn, it hurts too much."

Gerard swallows and then pulls back. "You want out?" He's untying Jonny Lee without waiting for an answer. Went too far, from the sound of Jonny Lee's voice. Went way too far.

"Fuck." Jonny Lee shakes out his wrist. "No, no, not too far. Just I'm not," he says, rubbing his leg as he stretches out. "Pulled something. Upper thigh. S'okay. Just hurts like hell."

Gerard finishes untying Jonny Lee, and then massages his thigh. "Here?" Gone too far, as usual. Let his own desires reign. _Exactly why you stopped doing this._ "How bad?"

"Nng." Jonny Lee winces at the touch. "Worse than I've ever pulled it running." He settles back into the pillows, lets Gerard massage him. "Really, though, it was good. In a weird way. Pain's bad, but kinda worth it." He grins, cocks his head. "That make sense?"

"A little. I've never liked pain." He likes the way Jonny Lee feels like this. Coming down from a scene, though it wasn't really a scene. Aftercare. Talking about it. Conner always hated this bit. "Did it make it bad?"

"A bit. Not so much as I wouldn't try it again." Jonny Lee likes this part, too, Gerard's hands on him, taking care of him. "Hmm, that feels good. You did this a lot? Hurt other guys?"

"Yeah, I have." Gerard shrugs, tries to make it seem like less than it is. "I used to. Not any more."

"You want to? With me? More than just rehearsing for the role?" Jonny Lee's uncertain he should even be asking. After all, he just nearly --what's it called? -- uh, safeworded out of being tied up 'cause his leg was cramping. But he really cares about Gerard. Loves him, if pushed to admit it, and maybe it's something they should try.

"Uh...um..." Christ. Yes. No. "I, um. I like it, Teak. I really like it." But... "But it's not...I'm no good at...I'm not good at going slow." And he'd have to go slow, because Jonny Lee's new. And that's a terrible excuse, and Gerard knows it. But he likes Teak and he likes him a lot. "I don't want to hurt you."

Jonny Lee's a little slow sometimes, but he's not completely stupid. He can tell when he's getting brushed off. "That's a nice way of saying no." He smiles, reaches out and rubs his fingers over Gerard's arm. "S'okay. I'm happy the way we are. Maybe someday."

"Someday," Gerard repeats. "Yeah, someday's good." Indefinitely in the future. Possibly never. Yeah, someday sounds fantastic.

  


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	8. gerard: Backstory: The Phantom of the Opera [Gerard Butler/Patrick Wilson]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
@ [2005](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2005/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2005/01/)-[29](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/2005/01/29/) 17:45:00   
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_**Backstory: _The Phantom of the Opera_ [Gerard Butler/Patrick Wilson]** _  
[players only. Phantom of the Opera backstory. This takes place a month before Ger showed up in London again, trying to get back together with Jonny. Canon note: POTO was shot in Pinewood Studios, however, when I started playing Ger, most of the rumors said that at least some of the shooting was done in Prague. So, for the purposes of the game, all the outside shots were done in Prague. This scene takes place during the shooting of the swordfight, which took three days to do.]

  
Gerry held the position for one last second, waiting on the decision. He was lying on snow, some of it real, some of it fake, and he was soaked through. But the light was lost, and they'd gone through four shirts and trick blood packets for Patrick. It was time to call it a day.

And Joel agreed. "That's it for today," he called. The steadicam operator turned the camera off and Gerry groaned and stood up. He stretched his arms over his head and grimaced. His muscles felt frozen.

"Need a hand?"

Gerry looked over. "Could use one." Patrick walked over and started rubbing Gerry's shoulders. "Thanks."

"You should work out more."

"When? In between mask fittings and having my eye glued?" Gerry stretched his arms in front of him and groaned. He wasn't looking forward to getting the mask off. The crew was still collectively laughing at him. Patrick was the only one who hadn't said anything, and Gerry was sure that the only reason for that was because Patrick hadn't thought of the best barb yet. Still sharpening his wit.

"Yeah." Patrick said. "You doing anything tonight?"

"No." Gerry ran his hand through the wig and tugged at it. "Let me get out of everything, and then we'll talk."

"Sure."

Gerry met Patrick outside the makeup trailer. Patrick had changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, and was holding a cup of coffee. Gerry chuckled as he came up behind him. "You're allowed to tell Joel you're freezing."

"We must suffer for our craft," Patrick intoned, and then snickered. "I don't really feel it, not with the jumping around. It's only when I have to wait for them to reset, and then they let me wear a coat."

Gerry reaches out and rubs his hands over the steam from the coffee. "Thanks for not saying anything." Head him off at the pass and it's one less wood joke. Hopefully.

"No problem." Patrick offers Gerry the cup. "Who's Teak?"

"Old boyfriend." Gerry takes the cup and gulps down some of the coffee. Too sugary, not the way he likes it, but better than being cold. "Well, not old. Younger than me. But we're broken up."

Patrick stared at him and then shook his head. "I need a better gaydar."

Gerry handed the cup back. "You're also?"

"Of course I'm gay." Patrick snorted. "I do musical theater. What's your excuse?"

"I'm tall, dark, and handsome." Gerry pulled his gloves out of his pockets and put them on. "All the best men are gay or married, or so they tell me."

"And you're still not over Teak?"

"Jonny, actually." Jonny Lee Miller. Best antiques dealer in the movie business. And Gerry just happened to miss him more than life itself. "Called him Teak because, well, long story."

"Usually is." Patrick brushed a bit of hair out of his eye. "But you're broken up?"

"Yeah." Gerry shrugged. He wished they weren't, but he had to wait. Maybe once shooting moved to Pinewood Studios he could drop by and visit, ask him to coffee, but he shouldn't get his hopes up again. It'd been months. Jonny might have moved on since, might have decided that Gerry-with-kink wasn't better than no-Gerry-and-no-kink. Gerry didn't know, and he wouldn't give in to the urge to call Jonny. It was too long distance. Long distance romances never worked. He needed to let go. He needed to stop worrying, but he didn't think that was going to happen.

Patrick put his arm around Gerry's shoulder. "Want a blowjob?"

"If you're offering." Maybe he could stop thinking about Jonny then. But he doubted it.

He didn't think he could ever stop thinking about Jonny. But he'd try, just for the night.

  


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	9. gerard: Backstory: The Cradle of Life [August 2003]

| (Not) Gerard Butler ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/profile)[ **gerard**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/) ) wrote,  
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_**Backstory: The Cradle of Life [August 2003]** _  
[players only. Part of Gerard and Jonny's lengthy [backstory](http://www.journalfen.net/tools/memories.bml?user=gerard&keyword=-Chapter+000:+Backstory&filter=all). Jonny [attended](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/184795.html) the London afterparty for Tomb Raider 2: The Cradle of Life premiere and ran into Gerard. They got to talking and this paved the way for their reunion in November of that year. This log directly references their [first attempt at kink](http://www.journalfen.net/users/jonnyleemiller/43362.html).]

  
It's hard enough sitting through the film, watching Gerard onscreen. Jonny Lee's agreed to come to the _Tomb Raider 2_ premiere because Angie asked him. They're still friends. Good friends. He just hadn't thought through the fact his boyfriend -- uh, ex-boyfriend, he corrects himself -- was his ex-wife's love interest in the film. It doesn't help any that the man's sitting just a few feet away during the whole film, and as much as Jonny Lee tries not to squirm, he's sure he is and he's positive Gerard notices.

Soon enough, the film's over, even though Jonny Lee would have to admit he didn't watch the last few minutes. He doesn't like seeing Gerard die. But he can let himself forget about all that at the after-party. They're supposed to be all happy and friendly, and Jonny Lee's trying. He's smiling, drink in hand, watching Angie slip off into the crowd and trying not to notice Gerard across the room.

Gerard can't help but notice Jonny Lee. He's been trying not to stare, but in the darkness of the theater, it had been all too easy to indulge. Fuck, Jonny Lee looks good. He hadn't seemed comfortable through the movie, and as much as Gerard wants to ask why and have his suspicions confirmed, this isn't the time or place. They broke up. For all Gerard knows, Angie was playing with Jonny Lee's cock through his pockets during the action sequences and making him uncomfortable. It's as likely as Jonny Lee missing him.

"Isn't that your ex?" The whisper comes from Jonny Lee's right shoulder. He smiles. It's Jamie, Angie's brother, leaning in against Jonny Lee's back.

"Which one? Your sister or her co-star?" Jonny Lee takes another sip of his martini, looks up and quickly looks away, not wanting to meet Gerard's gaze. "And, yes, it is."

Jamie nudges Jonny Lee, moving him forward a couple steps, deeper into the crowd. "Go talk to him. He's not going to bite you."

"You sure? We didn't exactly part on good terms."

Gerard has a drink in his hands, but he's fiddling with it more than sipping from it. He catches himself stroking the stem of the glass twice before putting the drink down firmly on a tray and putting his hands in his pockets. He can't avoid Jonny Lee much longer.

Jamie keeps nudging and Jonny Lee keeps moving, and after a few minutes, he's within talking distance of Gerard. But he's not saying anything. Just shuffling lightly from foot to foot, feeling uncomfortable in the suit, wishing he could loosen the tie. "Oh, for god's sake," Jamie says, sighing. He steps out from behind Jonny Lee, extends his hand to Gerard. "Hi. I'm Jamie, Angie's brother. Lee here's ex-bro-in-law. You're Butler. Nice to meet you finally."

Gerard shakes Jamie's hand on autopilot. He only has eyes for Jonny Lee. "Yes. Gerard Butler." Fucking hell, Jonny Lee looks even better closer up. Gerard wants to slide his arms around him, hold him tight, kiss him, and maybe slide his hand beneath his trousers and cop a feel. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Oooh, nice grip. Now I see why Lee likes you so much." Jamie pulls his hand back and slides his arm around Jonny Lee's waist, nudging him forward again. "Say hello," he murmurs. "Be nice."

Jonny Lee blushes. He can't help it. Jamie's touching him, but all Jonny Lee can think of is how nice it'd be to have Gerard's hand there instead -- that and the realization it's not going to happen. "Hi," he says, voice almost too soft. "Uh, hello. Gerard. Nice to," he pauses, trying not to stutter, "um, film was good."

"Jonny Lee." Gerard puts on his best, most professional smile. No need to tell the world how awkward this is. And no need to let Jonny Lee know how terrified he is he'll walk out with him. And how terrified he is that he'll walk out without him. "I..." _need you_. "It's good to see you again."

Jamie smiles. "Okay, you two play nice. I've got to go do the mingle thing." He pulls his hand off Jonny Lee's back and turns, already talking to the couple next to them before Jonny Lee can object.

"Uh, Ja-," Jonny Lee starts, then shrugs, turning his attention to Gerard. "You look good." _Fuck, you look divine. Perfect. Take me home?_ "Working?"

Gerard nods. "Prague. I go next week." He's fresh from rehearsals in New York and still excited about the opportunity. But all that's gone from his mind. All he can think about is Jonny Lee. "You?"

"Nothing much. There's some last-minute things on a couple BBC productions, but I've got a bit of time off after that," Jonny Lee says. "Staying in London right now."

In London. Gerard grabs that piece of information and holds it tight in his mind. Jonny Lee's going to be in London. Production moves to London in November. Maybe...if Jonny Lee's still there. Maybe... _Stop hoping. He doesn't want you back._ "How was Mindhunters?"

"It was interesting. Shot in Amsterdam, which is always fun." _Oh, fuck. Yeah, Jonny Lee, tell him about being with two other guys. He'll definitely take you back then._ "I think I made a decent bad guy." Jonny Lee pauses, shuffles again. "Thanks for passing it along."

Gerard would bet good money that Jonny Lee was more than decent, but that isn't the kind of compliment you can give your ex. "Not a problem," he says. "You were a better choice for the role."

There's no good answer for that. Jonny Lee's too modest to agree, and he's not sure he does agree. The film's made. They have to wait and see. "So, how long you going to be in Prague?" _Why do you care? Going to ask him over to dinner?_

"A few months. Schedule says until November, then we're in London." _Can I stay with you? Can I come back?_ "Do you, uh, are you...," Gerard wishes he was still holding his drink so he could finish it off and have an excuse to leave to get a new one. Gerard swallows. "Are you seeing anyone?" he whispers.

Jonny Lee's drink is empty now and he's holding the glass upside down, drops of gin collecting on his shoe. "No," he whispers back. "Not seeing anyone. Not really." He wonders how much he should confess. There have been the nights with Angie, the nights in Amsterdam. Every single time, he was thinking of someone else. Jonny Lee smiles. "You involved?"

Gerard shakes his head. "No." He can't deny that he's happy that Jonny Lee isn't seeing anyone, but he knows it's petty. Jonny Lee has a right to happiness. He has a right to see other people, make other relationships. Jonny Lee's not a brooder. His attention is flighty, like a video game. Jonny Lee should be with someone else, but he's not, and Gerard feels the knowledge warm him. Maybe Jonny Lee also doesn't want anyone else. Maybe Jonny Lee still wants him.

"You want --" _Me?_ "--maybe have dinner?" Jonny Lee hopes it's not too much, too forward. The worst thing Gerard can do is say no, walk away.

"Now?" Gerard checks his watch. It's late, but it's not too late, and this is London after all. There are places bound to be open.

Jonny Lee can't help but think that's a polite way of declining. "Sorry," he says, absently setting his glass on a passing waiter's tray. Bad move. Hands free now. What to do with them. He fidgets more. "Bad idea. Right? I mean, why would you want to have dinner with me?"

_Because you're the sexiest man in the room._ Gerard opens his mouth to say so, then closes it. He blushes lightly. "No-no reason. Just to, uh, catch up in a place that's less crowded. If you don't want to, that's all right."

"I want to," Jonny Lee says, barely catching the _you_ that wants to slip out. "There's probably somewhere close by. I didn't drive."

"We could walk, see what's there." _Please. Please say yes._ "My treat."

"Sure." _How could I say no to the only man I'll ever love?_ "Let me tell Jamie. He'll tell Ang, and I'm covered. Meet you at the door in five?"

"Five," Gerard repeats. He smiles. "Meet you then."

Jonny Lee backs off, steps aside and goes to find Jamie. Not hard. He's making a nuisance of himself with Noah. "Leaving now, Jamie," he murmurs, stepping up beside the taller man.

"Huh?" Jamie turns. "You're leaving? Bored already."

"No. Going to find something to eat." Jonny Lee blushes. "With Gerard."

"Way to go, Lee. Don't fret. I'll tell sis." Jamie totally ignores Noah for a moment, turning and giving Jonny Lee a fast snog. "I want all the details. Ring me. Not before noon."

"Sure." _What_ details? It's going to be dinner. Jonny Lee pries himself from Jamie and heads to the door, more nervous than before. _What am I doing? This isn't going to work._

Gerard's standing by the door, waiting, his hands shoved deep into his pockets. He can't believe he's doing this. More, he can't believe he's doing this with Jonny Lee. What's changed? _Has_ anything changed? Or will Jonny Lee be the same as ever? _Hope springs eternal._

"Okay, I'm all yours." Jonny Lee blurts out the words before he thinks. "Uh, I mean, ready for dinner." He blushes, intensely, and moves past Gerard to push open the door, step outside. "Got a preference? You still like Thai?"

"Yes." Gerard follows Jonny Lee outside and doesn't mention that he can't eat Thai food anymore without thinking about him. "I still like Thai."

"Good. I do, too." Jonny Lee directs them to the left, in the direction of where he knows the restaurants are. "Haven't had it recently, though. Hell, don't think I've done take-away Thai since," he says, shoving his hands into his pockets, bunching his suit coat up awkwardly, "well, since you left."

"I have." He shouldn't have said that. It just sounds even more awkward. "I, uh. Got some last week." And then had a good wank thinking about Jonny Lee.

_You're getting on with your life. That's good._ "You want Thai, then? I mean, if you had it last week, then maybe something else. Just hit up a pub."

"No, no. Let's get some." There's no way he's getting anything else now. And he's not going into a bloody pub on his first -- not a date, don't say date -- on his first _something_ with Jonny Lee since they broke up. "I'm in the mood."

Jonny Lee looks down the sidewalk. "There. Two doors down." He nudges Gerard with his elbow, old habit. "Phat thai with a side of red curry. Right?"

He remembered. Gerard's grin is wide and silly, but he doesn't give a damn. "And you're still satay and spring rolls and as many appetizers as you can get your hands on?"

"Yeah. Finger foods. Perfect for eating while playing." Jonny Lee wishes he hadn't said that, hadn't reminded them both of what caused most of the problems. He opens the restaurant door. "Wherever you want to sit is fine with me, Ger."

That takes care of Gerard's smile. Playing. "You still...you still playing?" _Please don't be. Please. I want you, but I can't take your PlayStation._ Gerard leads them to a table in the back.

"Not as much." It's the truth. Jonny Lee hasn't given up the games, but he's lost interest in them to some degree. "Hard to give up the addiction, though," he says, "without something to take its place. I've been running a bit more. Did a couple marathons this year."

"Congratulations." Gerard almost pulls out the chair for Jonny Lee, but he stops himself in time. They're not dating and it's just freaky if they're not. "On the marathons." He isn't sure how he feels about Jonny Lee needing something to take the place of an addiction.

"Uh, thanks." Jonny Lee settles into the chair. He notices the gesture, thinks it's sweet. They're not dating, though. Won't be. It's just dinner. The waitress comes, takes their orders and then it's quiet, that lull while they try to think of what's safe to talk about. "I haven't bought any new games, though," Jonny Lee says finally. "Not in months."

Gerard nods. "That's, uh, good." No new games and he's phasing back. _Is it too much to wish he'd done this before?_ "Any new housemates? Um. Any new pets?"

"Living alone. Totally." _Hating every minute of it._ Jonny Lee scoots his chair in, his knee bumping Gerard's under the table. "Uh, sorry." He doesn't move back, though. If just for a moment, he's close, touching. "You? Housemate?"

Gerard doesn't move back. If this is the only way he's going to be touching Jonny Lee, then he'll take all he can get. "No. No housemate. Renting out the flat when I'm in Prague, but no one living with me, no."

"That's good." Jonny Lee doesn't qualify whether he means no housemate or renting out the flat. Both are positives. He wants to move even closer, considers for a brief second getting out of the chair and crawling into Gerard's lap. He smiles as the food arrives. Something to occupy them.

The food looks and smells good, and it's the only thing stopping Gerard from leaping across the table, pulling Jonny Lee up by his shirt, and kissing him soundly. Those lips have never looked more inviting. "You came with Angelina?"

"Yeah." Jonny Lee laughs. _But I didn't enjoy it as much as coming with you._ "She asked. We've gone out a few times the past several months. Just good friends. Always have been."

Just good friends. Right. If they were shagging, Jonny Lee would have said so. Or so Gerard hopes. He licks his lips quickly. "But that's it? Just friends?"

Jonny Lee looks at his spring roll, picks it up, drags it through some sauce. "Mostly." He doesn't look up, can't bear to see Gerard's reaction. "We, um, well, once. Just once. That's all. I'm not going back to her."

Oh, shit. Gerard bites his bottom lip hard and grabs his fork. Eat. Right. Don't think about Jonny Lee and Angelina. Fuck. No wonder he wasn't good enough for Jonny Lee. Jonny Lee's still straight. Or somewhat straight. Or wanted straight. No wonder Gerard wasn't good enough. He doesn't have a vagina. "That's nice," he says quietly after a moment, then digs into his food.

"I'm sorry," Jonny Lee says, nibbling on the end of the spring roll. "It's not like I want her." _Don't want anyone but you._ "You asked. You want to know about everyone I've shagged since you walked out?"

Yes. "No." Gerard shakes his head. "Don't be sorry. You...you have every right. I don't have any say in who you fuck." _I just want to find them all and beat them into a bloody pulp for getting to have you when I can't._

"You should." Jonny Lee mutters the words. "Don't you care anymore?"

Gerard drops his fork. "I care." It comes out harsher than he planned, but fuck it. "You think I've _ever_ stopped thinking about you? Ever stopped _wanting_ you? Course I haven't. My attention span is longer than a fucking video game."

The harshness startles Jonny Lee. It shouldn't. He and Gerard had fought the night they broke up. Why should anything really have changed? "And you think mine isn't?" he snaps out. "I didn't want you to leave. You walked out. All because of the damned games?"

"Because that's all you were thinking about when we were having sex!" Gerard tries to keep his voice down, but they're getting looks from the people around them. "You didn't want a boyfriend, Teak, you never did. You just wanted someone to fuck when you weren't playing your games. You didn't give one damn about our relationship!"

"Yes, I did want a boyfriend. You weren't one. Did we go out? No." Jonny Lee's voice is terse. He really doesn't want to yell, to fight, but it's happening. "I didn't play video games _all_ the damned time. And I sure as hell didn't think about it while you were fucking me."

"Was that _my_ fault? Half the time I wanted to bring it up, a fucking night out, you were fucking your fucking controller. And I didn't want to _interrupt you_." Gerard pushes his chair forward, leans in so he's not screaming. "And what the fuck were you thinking about?"

"You. Fucking bastard. Every single minute. I think about you every second of every day." Jonny Lee stops short of says _I love you_. He isn't sure Gerard wants to hear it. "And you could've taken control of the situation, you know. Just yanked the damned game out of my hand, if it bothered you so goddamned much."

"I would have." _Just kiss me. Please. Kiss me._ "But I don't like to fucking interrupt you when you looked like you were enjoying yourself. I have fucking manners."

"Well, your fucking manners cost you me." The words are barely out before Jonny Lee's wishing he could take them back. "Maybe this wasn't a good idea." _Can I kiss you? Curl up into your lap? Beg for forgiveness._

_I'm not a motherfucking mindreader, Teak!_ No. This wasn't a good idea. "You're right. Bad idea."

"Think we can make it through dinner?"

Gerard looks down at his plate of food, then up at Jonny Lee. He tries to smile. "Sure. As long as we agree not to argue."

"I'm sorry. Really didn't mean to argue." Jonny Lee picks up a satay skewer, dripping in peanut sauce, sucks the chicken off the end. "I want us to be --" _lovers_ "-- friends, at least, not enemies."

"Me, too. Friends." He just wishes he could be in the same room as Jonny Lee and not want to throw him against a wall and fuck him. Jonny Lee liked the rough stuff, Gerard remembers, but he'd always felt vaguely guilty about getting kinky without talking about it first. He'd never known how to broach the topic, and now it's too late.

The next few minutes are silent, but it's not awkward. It's comfortable, both working on their food rather than the conversation. That's easier. Less talk, less chance for argument. Jonny Lee wishes he could take everything back, retrace their steps a year, make amends. He finishes his satay and is halfway through the last of the spring rolls before he says anything else. "Did you want dessert?" he asks.

_I want you._ Gerard looks down at the menu. "No, just coffee." He doesn't want this to end. This could be the last time he sees Jonny Lee for years. He wants this to go on, but when they weren't arguing, they weren't saying anything. He isn't sure he can keep doing that. "You?"

"I'm fine," Jonny Lee says. He looks at the table, the floor, the spot on the far wall, everywhere but at Gerard. "It'd cross a line to ask for a good-bye kiss."

"Would it?" Screw the coffee. Gerard signals for the check. "Do you want to go for a walk?" Gerard looks around at the other patrons. "Get out of here?"

"Yeah. I'd like that." Jonny Lee smiles. Gerard loves walking. He remembers they walked everywhere in New Orleans, for hours. And he didn't say no outright to the kiss. Jonny Lee can hold out hope. He pushes his chair back, drops his napkin on the table. "We can hit up a Costa for coffee down the street, if you still want."

"Okay." Gerard smiles. Walking is a good idea. He can't quite imagine arguing while doing it. It would take up too much energy.

The bill's paid quickly enough, and they're heading back outside. Maybe walking will help the talking, Jonny Lee thinks. "If I gave up the games," he murmurs, "would you take me back?"

Gerard shakes his head. "It's not that easy," he says softly. He wants to wrap his arm around Jonny Lee's waist, but that seems too forward. "It wasn't the only reason, just the main one."

"Oh. Yeah. Of course." Jonny Lee's not sure what else was wrong in their relationship. "The going out, I guess, and being real boyfriends. Or something else?"

Gerard sighs. "Yeah. Something else." It wasn't that the not being good boyfriends thing didn't add to it. It just wasn't the main reason. "I don't know if I ever told you, Teak," _and it's a bit late now,_ "but, uh." He does his best not to blush. "I'm a bit kinky."

"Kinky. Like in ropes and such, you mean." Jonny Lee does blush, the heat spreading out over his cheeks. "What we tried when I was doing 'Complicity'? That sort of thing."

"Yeah. Like that. Only...more."

"More?" Jonny Lee wonders if he should admit to a few things, namely a couple nights in Amsterdam, or the fact his cock just got damned hard. "Whips and chains and that sort of thing?"

Gerard nods. "That sort of thing," he echoes. Flashes of nights with Conner go through his mind. "I had...I had a boy. Once. In Glasgow." And was a boy once, though Jonny Lee really doesn't need to hear about Peter.

"You had a boy? What's that mean?" Jonny Lee's cock is harder, if that's possible. He knows the word, _boy_ , the basic concept, but he doesn't understand exactly what Gerard's talking about.

_Oh, fuck._ This isn't exactly the place Gerard had in mind for telling Jonny Lee about kink. But, then again, he'd never planned on telling Jonny Lee about kink. He'd assumed that he would have been fine having a relationship that didn't involve kink, and he was mostly right. Except for being terribly wrong. "A boy. A submissive. Uh. You know submissive?"

"Submissive. Yeah, I know that one. Opposite of dominant." Jonny Lee's not totally clueless. He has talked about things with Sean, and he did actually fill out the application for the club. "So, this boy you had. He was submissive. Yours?"

"Yes. Mine. For, um, four years, give or take." Two years only his, but the first two count as well. They _were_ kinky. "Name of Conner." Lean, tattooed. Gerard wishes he was sure that he wasn't trying to find Conner in Jonny Lee, that lean and tattooed was just his type. Jonny Lee's nothing like Conner once you get to know him, but they're the same body type. Gerard wishes he knew exactly what kind of baggage he'd unknowingly thrown at Jonny Lee when he met him. It wasn't fair in the slightest. "We broke up and I ran to London to become an actor."

Jonny Lee's curious, maybe too much so for his own good. "What'd you do to him?" He wants the details, ignoring the fact they're walking down a crowded London street. "You want to do the same things to me?"

On second thought, a crowded London street isn't all that bad a place to talk about this. Everyone's bustling about and no one's listening. "I tried not to," Gerard says. "There wasn't the urge for the longest time, and I assumed I'd grown out of it. I was wrong."

"So, tell me what you'd do. More than tie me up like before, I guess." Jonny Lee moves a step closer, his elbow brushing against Gerard's arm. _Would you hurt me? Cut me? Oh, fuck, please._ "Could we try?"

"You want that?" Gerard can quite believe his ears. "You want, you want to try real kink with me?"

_Do you, Jonny Lee?_ "I think," he says, cursing himself for stuttering, "yeah, I'd like you to try. What would you do?"

_I'd like to tie you up and fuck you, for starters._ Gerard wraps his arm around Jonny Lee's waist and leans in to whisper in his ear. "Get a hotel room."

"Okay." It's just that easy, agreeing to get a room, spend time with him. Jonny Lee thinks of suggesting they just go home, but _home_ isn't theirs anymore and maybe that's too much to try. "Tonight? I don't have to be anywhere in the morning."

"Tonight works." If they wait, Gerard'll chicken out. He knows it. "Let's stop in and get some condoms."

Jonny Lee tries really hard not to bounce. Condoms means he's gonna get fucked. By Gerard. "Guess it's a good sign neither of us have any handy," he says, trying to think on what's open and what's closest. "You got a hotel preference?"

"Somewhere close." Gerard spots a store down the block and leads Jonny Lee in. While Jonny Lee's getting condoms, Gerard can check if they have cheap ties.

Condoms in hand and paid for, Jonny Lee's waiting by the door while Gerard finishes. "There's a hotel 'round the corner, guy says," he murmurs. "Cheap and tawdry should work."

"Works perfectly." Gerard buys four ties quickly, then shoves them into his pocket. "Lead on."

The hotel's not seedy, but it's cheap enough to be borderline porno, which Jonny Lee finds amusing. The clerk doesn't blink when he asks for a room for one night, doesn't question the lack of luggage or the man standing off to Jonny Lee's side. When he has the key, he turns to Gerard and hands it over. "Third floor. There's a lift, though."

Gerard's very amused by the hotel. It just screams one-night stand, which he supposes this is. Can't be more than that. He won't let himself hope. "You still sure about this?"

"Yeah. Sure." Jonny Lee doesn't know what he's agreeing to, not exactly, except that it involves his lover -- no, he corrects himself, ex-lover -- and it's more than he hoped for when he first saw Gerard tonight at the premiere. "I'm game to try."

"Great." Gerard pushes the button for the elevator and touches the ties. He's dreamed about tying Jonny Lee up for so long that this doesn't seem quite real.

The lift's doors open and Jonny Lee steps in, immediately going to the back wall. He doesn't say anything else for the short ride up, just stares at Gerard. _It's not a dream, Jonny Lee. It's real._ He resists pinching himself.

Gerard stares at Jonny Lee at the way up, expecting him to turn into a pumpkin at any moment. He's a little surprised when the doors open again and Jonny Lee's still the same. And cute as hell. _Wish I could make him bleed._

It's a quick walk down the hall and before there's any thought of turning back, Jonny Lee's standing at the door to the room, the hotel room he's going to walk into and submit to Gerard. Whatever that means. He has a million questions. Well, at least a couple dozen. But he figures they can wait until the door's open.

Gerard opens the door and holds it open for Jonny Lee. The room isn't much, but it has a bed and that's all they need. Gerard closes the door behind them and locks it. "Do you have any questions?"

"Uh, yeah. A lot. Where do we start?"

"At the beginning." Gerard empties his pockets onto the bedside table, then sits down on the bed. "You want rules?"

"Guess so." Jonny Lee adds the condoms to the pile on the table, starts to take off his jacket. "Rules are good. Games don't work without 'em." He smiles.

Gerard's smile freezes. "Please don't remind me of games," he says quietly.

"Sorry. Wasn't thinking. Just making an analogy, Pire." Jonny Lee bites his lip. _Fuck. Fuck. Shut up, Jonny Lee._ He shrugs his jacket off and drapes it over the chair. "What are the rules?"

"Know you weren't, Teak." That was the problem. Neither of them were thinking. But now he can remedy that. "Rules are simple. You have a safeword, which is a word you use when you want to stop the scene. The scene's what we're doing. You know that bit." If he still remembers. "I'm going to tie you up," and doesn't his cock just jump at that thought, "and have my wicked way with you. If you want me to slow down, just say so."

"I remember. Cacophony," Jonny Lee says, repeating the safeword they'd agreed on when playing at bondage once before. That'd been just for a film role, so Jonny Lee could understand the mindset. It'd never gone any farther. "You want me to undress? Get on the bed?"

Gerard shakes his head. "I wasn't done yet, Teak." He winks up at Jonny Lee. "Perfect segue, thanks. The other rule is that you don't make demands and you don't lead the scene. I'm in charge here and I don't like having to fight for control."

"Okay. So I don't do things on my own. I wait for you to tell me what to do." Jonny Lee grins. He _really_ likes that idea. "I think I can do that."

"Good boy." The phrase hangs in the air and Gerard grins widely. Boy. It fits Jonny Lee so well. "Come here and help me get my clothes off."

Jonny Lee moves closer, stands in front of Gerard. "Boy. Is that what I am?" He puts his hands on Gerard's shirt, fingers working over the buttons. He stops breathing for a second. It's been so long. "Your boy would do things like this? All the time?"

"Yeah." Gerard exhales. Jonny Lee's fingers on his shirt. He can't count the number of times he's dreamed about this. Never thought it would happen again. "All the time." _Please be my boy. Please._

The buttons come undone easily enough and Jonny Lee's fingers slide in between the folds of fabric, trace the flesh underneath. _Want this. All the time. Please take me back._ "I like this," he says, pushing the shirt back, pausing long enough to nudge Gerard's jacket down his arms first, follow it with the shirt. "Are there other rules? Things he'd do?"

Gerard would never have thought that Jonny Lee would be such a natural for third-person. "He'd kiss me. Take the liberty of it every time he pushed my clothes down an inch." Gerard smiles at Jonny Lee. "Would my boy like to do that?"

Jonny Lee leans in, kisses Gerard's chest, then his shoulder. He _does_ like it, and if this is what being a boy is, he'd gladly be one. "Am I doing it right?" His hands are on Gerard's waist, moving around and unzipping the trousers.

"Doing it wonderfully." Gerard brings his hands around, pulls Jonny Lee towards him, and gives him a tender kiss on his lips.

He stops breathing. Completely. Goes still. Gerard's kissing him, and Jonny Lee can't think beyond the press of lips.

When Jonny Lee doesn't pull back, Gerard holds him tighter and brushes a kiss against Jonny Lee's cheek. "You're wonderful," he murmurs

The only reason Jonny Lee's not pulling back is because he can't think straight enough to move. "No," he says softly. "You want me. _That's_ wonderful." He works his hands under the waistband, pushing Gerard's trousers down over his hips. "Shoes need to come off."

"Boy doesn't get to contradict me," Gerard says lightly. He ruffles Jonny Lee's hair. "You've never been more beautiful."

That causes the blush, Jonny Lee's cheeks turning bright red. "Pire, I'm not sure. I want," he mutters, unable to put it into words, "I don't know."

Right. _Stop complimenting him. It's making him uncomfortable._ "Okay," Gerard whispers. He curls his fingers in Jonny Lee's hair. "What do you know you want?"

"You." That's the easy answer. Simple and truthful. "I want to be whatever you want," Jonny Lee says, fighting the stutter, "but I need to know what that is. Tell me everything. Please."

"What I want?" Gerard pulls Jonny Lee closer. "I want _you_."

"Please. Love you. So much." Jonny Lee's breath catches again. They may never make it beyond this. He doesn't care. If this is all it is, all he gets, it's enough to last. "Tell me what to do, how to act, what to say."

_Love you._ Gerard doesn't think he's ever heard anything more beautiful. "Don't say anything," he murmurs, then kisses Jonny Lee's cheek. "Let me tie you up and show you what you mean to me."

"Oh, fuck." Jonny Lee nods. "Yes. I want. Uh, your boy wants. Is that the right way to say it? Your boy. Please."

"Exactly the right way to say it." Gerard pushes Jonny Lee back onto the bed and makes quick work of Jonny Lee's shirt.

"Pire, what else is there to being a boy?" Jonny Lee tries to help work himself out of the clothes, squirming at the right moment, kicking his shoes off and over the bed's end. "Can you teach me? Will you?"

"Of course I will." _If you don't kick me out in the morning._ Gerard slides his hands beneath Jonny Lee's trousers and pulls them down. He takes Jonny Lee's socks with. "Being a boy...it's obedience. It's submission." He grins, then crawls back up the bed to kiss Jonny Lee on the lips. "Sounds easier than it actually is."

"Obedience. Submission." Jonny Lee repeats the words. He doesn't think it would be so hard. "I can obey you. I can be good."

"I know you can." But can he? Can he really? Gerard sits back and gets out of his own clothes quickly. They join Jonny Lee's on the floor. He had the presence of mind to take the ties out of his pocket first. Now, where are the condoms?

Obedience. Jonny Lee rolls the word around in his brain. _You can. He believes you._ He scoots back into the pillows a bit, getting a touch more comfortable. Gerard hadn't told him not to move, so he guesses that's okay. "Pire, would you hurt me?" he asks hesitantly. He can't admit to wanting that, to having gotten off on it before. "Is that part of it?"

"Separate part." Gerard scrounges around and pulls out a condom triumphantly. "No reason not to do it also. You still like biting?"

"Fuck, yes. Love it." Jonny Lee's voice drops a bit, almost a whisper. "As much as you want. I like the pain."

"Good boy." Gerard grins down at Jonny Lee. _I am the luckiest man in the world._ He never would have thought three hours ago that he would end up in bed with Jonny Lee Miller by the end of the night. "Cross your wrists over your head."

Moving his hands to the bed's railing, Jonny Lee crosses his wrists. He swallows, his mouth suddenly very dry. It's familiar. Val had cuffed his hands to the pipes before hitting him. This is better, though. This is Gerard. "Do you want me to call you _sir_?"

Fuck yes. "If you want to." Gerard brushes a kiss against Jonny Lee's cheek before tying his wrists to the railing. "If it helps you get into headspace."

"Headspace?" That's definitely a foreign concept. Jonny Lee knows it goes with being submissive, but he doesn't understand what it involves, how anyone gets there. "That's something conscious," he mutters, half-question and half-realization as his wrists are tied down.

"I guess so. But don't try to force it." In the back of his head is the knowledge that this is just tonight, that it's foolish to think that it'll go on longer than the morning. He shouldn't rush anything. He shouldn't push Jonny Lee into doing anything he doesn't want to do.

"Yes, sir. Not forcing it." Jonny Lee relaxes. It's just for tonight, he reminds himself. Gerard's not taking him back. He pulls his wrists against the ties, tightening them with his move, and he grins. _Maybe, if I'm a very good boy, he might._ He tries not to squirm, tries to ignore his cock hard against his stomach, tries not to think about being fucked. _Just be good. Patient._

"Good boy." Gerard licks his lips. Jonny Lee's fucking gorgeous like this. He'd always known Jonny Lee would look great with his hands tied above his head. He kisses Jonny Lee's chin, then gives in to every desire he's had since he's met Jonny Lee and bites his neck. Hard.

Jonny Lee jerks up. "Fuckhell, ohgod, yes." He hasn't felt anything that good in forever. Seems like that long. He jerks at the restraints, flexes his fingers. "More. Ohplease, more."

Gerard can feel Jonny Lee's throat work beneath his tongue and he growls at it. Beautiful friction. Gerard scrapes his teeth along. He's going to mark Jonny Lee. Even if this never goes anywhere, at least Jonny Lee will have the bruises to prove it really happened.

There's a blackness around the edge's of Jonny Lee's vision. It's odd, a dark creeping in. He doesn't fight it. _Maybe that's headspace._ He also doesn't close his eyes, focusing straight ahead, past Gerard's shoulder. _Boy. Gerard's boy._ He could be that, if he does it right.

Gerard slides his tongue across Jonny Lee's skin, tasting sweat. Jonny Lee hasn't changed. He still tastes exactly the same. "You like this?" he murmurs. "You like what I'm doing to you?"

"Yes, sir," Jonny Lee mutters, focusing on Gerard's voice as his world grows darker. Maybe it's a dream and he won't have to wake up. "Boy likes it, how he feels."

"Very good boy." Gerard wraps his fingers around Jonny Lee's wrists and squeezes. "And how's that?"

It's perfect, Gerard's fingers tightening around Jonny Lee's wrists, and he moans, whimpers really. "It's," he says, swallowing hard, the pain of the squeeze shooting straight to his cock, "ohfuck, it's great. Boy. Yours." He sinks deeper -- that's the only way to describe it -- falling, wanting more of the rough touch.

"Mine." _No, he's not. He's not yours._ Gerard kisses Jonny Lee's lips and banishes the voice. "Is my boy ready to get fucked?"

"Yes, sir. Boy wants that. He's missed it."

Gerard's missed it also. He gives Jonny Lee one last kiss, then pulls back and rips the condom open.

Jonny Lee's too far gone to think about lube or care. He's watching Gerard, but not really seeing him.

The condom's lubed and that'll be enough. Gerard scratches down Jonny Lee's thighs, then pats his knee. "Legs up."

"Yes, sir." Jonny Lee obeys, pulling his legs up, bending his knees, trying to remember how far back Gerard likes him to be pushed. "Oh, hell, that feels good. Scratches. If you owned me, you could make me bleed all the time."

He could do more than that. He could take a flogger and beat him. He could cut him and cut him and cut him, until he was satisfied. He could do whatever he wanted to do. But he's getting his hopes up. He won't let himself do that. Gerard pushes Jonny Lee's legs back, then gets into position. The first thrust is slow. He wants Jonny Lee to feel it. He wants to feel it.

It's impossible not to feel it. There's just enough lube on the condom to make it not hurt too badly, but the burn's there. Jonny Lee takes a deep breath, holds it as Gerard pushes in, lets the burn spread through his body. It's been so long, _too_ long, and this is better than good. He pushes down, fingertips clutching at the headboard and trying to find more leverage.

The minute he pushes, Jonny Lee's wondering if he should. _Gerard said don't take control. Is that control?_ "Pire," he murmurs, "please fuck me." _Fuck, I've missed you._ "Fuck your boy. Hard. You know he can take it. He wants it so badly."

Gerard never had the thought of keeping it slow. Jonny Lee's begging just makes it happen sooner. He shifts his hips and starts fucking Jonny Lee harder. There's a burn, but he ignores it. This is fucking Jonny Lee. He's needed this for months.

"Oh, hell, yes." The burn turns to friction, nearly unbearable, and Jonny Lee slides deeper into blackness, his vision near red from the intensity. He strains at the restraints, jerking them, wanting to be free, just to be able to touch Gerard, wrap his arms around him. He does the next best thing, sliding his legs around Gerard's waist, pulling him in. "Please. Please. Hurts so good."

"I know. Want it. Want you." Gerard closes his eyes and bites his lip hard. Fuck, he's missed this. He's missed this so much.

"Yes. Sir." Jonny Lee rocks his hips up, meeting every thrust down Gerard makes. It's only for one night; he had to make it last, make it so he doesn't forget, not a single minute.

"Good, good boy. Such a good boy." The mantra is going through his head. His boy. For tonight, Jonny Lee's his boy.

The praise is just what Jonny Lee needs to hear. _Good boy. Yes, you are. Pire's good boy._ He's tugging on the ties again, pulling them tighter, oblivious to the marks he's making on his wrists, conscious of little more than Gerard's voice and cock, both slamming into him, seducing him.

Gerard knows exactly what kind of marks there are going to be on Jonny Lee's wrists. Tomorrow, if Jonny Lee's still here, he'll explore them with his tongue and lips. He's going to show Jonny Lee just how much fun marks can be. He thrusts harder into Jonny Lee, growls under his breath, "come for me, boy. Come for me _now_."

_Come. Just like that? No way._ "Touch. Please?"

Touch. Of course. Gerard fists Jonny Lee's cock and starts stroking hard.

That's enough to jerk Jonny Lee over the edge. He's been wanting that touch for months, has been missing it, and Gerard's fingers tugging at his cock have him coming, cock twitching and spurting. "Fucksick, that's good. Oh, damn. Want. More."

Gerard groans as Jonny Lee comes, then gives him one last thrust before coming inside him. " _Fuck_ , Teak."

"Pire," Jonny Lee murmurs in answer, his body going limp under Gerard's weight. "Want to be yours again. Please."

"Fuck." Gerard pulls out, pulls the condom off and tosses it in the general direction of the wastebin. He collapses on the bed next to Jonny Lee. "You're wonderful."

"Thanks." Jonny Lee blushes, then stretches out his legs, working out the kinks. "That was," he says, breathing barely under control, "nice. Different. Boy likes."

"I like also." Gerard rubs Jonny Lee's biceps. "You're wonderful."

"You like making me blush, don't you?" Jonny Lee does that, blushes a bright red at the praise. "Stay the night. Is that all right?"

"Yeah." Gerard grins. "Love it when you blush. You're so..." _damn adorable_. Gerard shakes his head. "I wouldn't dream of leaving now."

Jonny Lee grins. It's almost the best thing he's heard all night. "You going to leave the boy tied up?"

"I should." Gerard gives Jonny Lee a teasing smile. "It's a good look on you."

"Uh. Well. Yeah." Jonny Lee wriggles, trying to ignore his cock, which is rather demanding and would be hard again if he hadn't just come. "If you want, that's okay, I guess."

"I want." It's insistent. He wants to stay. He isn't sure what the fuck he just did, but he wants to stay.

"What? You want --" Jonny Lee hesitates. "You know, Pire, I'm not doing anything right now. I could, well, whatever you want."

He's tied up for him, of course he'll do whatever Gerard wants. But instead of the triumphant feeling he'd expected, Gerard just feels guilty. He took advantage of Jonny Lee's eagerness. He tied him up, he fucked him, and now Jonny Lee wants more. Of course he does. But it's too fast. He needs to give Jonny Lee time to get used to the idea, decide if this is what he really wants. Because he can't just be doing it because Gerard wants him to. That's no better than rape. Jonny Lee needs to realize for himself that he wants this, without Gerard standing over him telling him it's the only way they can be back together. Gerard slides his fingers up Jonny Lee's wrist and twists the ties. "We shouldn't rush," he says, and starts to pick the knot apart.

Jonny Lee sighs, just under his breath. That's how the conversation ended the last time, too. _Someday. We might. Maybe._ They never did. Not till tonight. And now Gerard's backing off again. "You want company in Prague?" he whispers, knowing what the answer's going to be before he finishes the question. _No._

"Can't," Gerard says with regret. "It...it wouldn't work." He finishes untying Jonny Lee's hands and guides them down, rubbing the palms. "But," he bites his lip. "You'll still be in London?"

_No. It wouldn't work, would it? Can't have your boyfriend around._ "Yes. In London. Always." Jonny Lee shakes his hands, flexing his fingers to make the blood flow properly again. "Maybe when you get back, we could do dinner again."

"I'd like that." Gerard moves to kiss Jonny Lee, but pulls back. The mood's cooled. Maybe he should go. "I'll send you an e-mail telling you when I'm coming home."

"Sounds good." There's no mistaking the move. Jonny Lee knows what that means, too. "You don't have to stay, if you don't want. It's okay." _I don't understand. Maybe someday._ "You probably need to pack or something."

"No." No. He's staying. He'll do that much. "Don't have to pack. Want to stay here with you."

"Wanna shower before we fall asleep?"

Not really. Gerard could happily fall asleep like this, cuddled around Jonny Lee. "Do you want one?"

"Can take it in the morning. Doesn't matter." Jonny Lee shrugs, scoots down a bit, half-turns, all to be closer to Gerard.

"Then let's just stay like this." He can leave in the morning. Has to leave by next week. But he doesn't have to worry about that right now. He can just hold Jonny Lee and be grateful as hell that Jonny Lee isn't kicking him out.

Jonny Lee wraps his arm over Gerard's waist. "We can stay like this forever, far as I'm concerned," he whispers, softly kissing Gerard's chest. He's more than content to drift off just like this, closing his eyes. "I never stopped being in love with you. Just so you know."

_Then why didn't you come after me?_ Gerard opens his mouth to ask, but settles for kissing Jonny Lee's hair. "I know," he says softly, even though it's not true. It seems the right thing to say.

"Love you most," Jonny Lee says, voice drowsy, brain quickly coming down from the rush of being tied, having come.

"Shh." Gerard brushes the hair out of Jonny Lee's eyes and tugs the covers up. "Go to sleep, Teak. I'll be here." And then he'll leave, because he has to, but he'll be back. He knows Jonny Lee wants him. Nothing could keep him away.

Comforting words lull Jonny Lee's brain into the easy slip of sleep. He does love Gerard, more than anyone he's ever known, and he's afraid of losing him forever, now that he has the chance to get him back. And there is a chance, he tells himself in that last waking moment, as long as Jonny Lee can be a good boy.

Gerard holds Jonny Lee until he's sure he's asleep, then tidies up the room before climbing back into bed. He wraps himself around Jonny Lee, then sighs happily. Christ, he's missed this. He's missed this so much.

  


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	10. lannamichaels: [Scans] [Est] Jonny Lee Miller in US Weekly - 16 February 2004

| Lanna Michaels ([](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/profile)[ **lannamichaels**](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/) ) wrote,  
@ [2005](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/2005/)-[08](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/2005/08/)-[01](http://www.journalfen.net/users/lannamichaels/2005/08/01/) 18:18:00   
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_**[Scans] [Est] Jonny Lee Miller in US Weekly - 16 February 2004** _

This is a reference post for an upcoming Ger/JL [backstory log](http://www.journalfen.net/users/gerard/103163.html).

_Jonny Lee Miller, US Weekly: 16 Feb 2004_

[](http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/file/9661.jpg) [](http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/file/9191.jpg) [ ](http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/file/9465.jpg)

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